Hello. Hola. Bonjour. Kaixo.
Greeting. /grediNG/ Noun.
A polite word or sign of welcome or recognition.
I've been writing and writing and nothing seems to pop out at me. The world has dissolved into nothing just like I have. I've come to accept it. I've come to accept many things. Like the way the water sometimes gets extremely wild & crashes to the shore, ruining all the little kids sand castles. Or the way that some of my friends have changed. The way they've all disappeared from my life & I , theirs. Or maybe the way that sometimes lovers drift apart like my parents. Or the way everything isn't the way it seems. I've come to accept that out of sadness, people do shit that they didn't really want to. That regardless of how they truly feel, the darkness always wins. My friends always made fun of me when I recite Star Wars but the dark side always tried to get the good guys. They'll win them over with temptations & when something bad happens, it's easier.
Everything has changed but change is okay. Although I am terrified of it.
I feel as if I change, the walls that I've spent so long building will slowly crack. They'll break a little here & a bit more over there.
My walls. My world. My escape.
It'll all be taken away from me.
Once upon a time, everything was okay. It was about two years ago. I had met a girl who I had instantly clicked with. She was dating a guy but none the less, I wanted her. Days went by, we learned so much about eachother. Weeks went by, talking to one another was a routine. Months went by, she was starting to question some things. Two months went by ,she said to me "you're mine."
She called me beautiful. Called me babe. Called me hers. Got jealous. Made my heart poud. Made my face turn red.
But I left. I was scared. I didnt know. I still wanted her even after I left her.. she had a spell on me & she was toxic. All I ever wanted was to know what it was like to kiss her lips. To hold her hand. Have her body pressed against mine. I wanted to push her hair behind her ear & call her beautiful. Months continued to go by, we still talked. We dated again at a point but she left me. I knew then what it was like, to be heartbroken & not be able to do anything about it. A year went by, I still went to sleep dreaming of her face. Two years went by, she messaged me hello again. She apologized. She confessed she missed me. & I remember a while before that, she called me her first true love. I remember wanting her more than ever but never being able to have her.
I would be with her in a heart beat but I shant do something that'll ruin everything. I'll call her my friend. I'll call her my past love. I'll call her whatever to maintain our friendship.
This was a hello again from someone so far away. Who left so long ago.
Kourt came too. We had a small thing ,nothing serious. But she confessed her love for I.
Love love love.
L o v e.
What a silly thing, what a marvelous feeling. I've said hello again to love. To you. To Kourt. To Alaska. To Anne. To all. I pray not to mess up this time. I beg of the heavenly to keep the sky blue & beautiful. I beg to keep the earth pure. I beg to stay alive.
Oh god, I beg for Alaska to love me the way I love her because although I have past tense lovers coming back, they're the past. She's my present, maybe my future , maybe not. Only time will tell.
I have to get through winter to be able to know.
I'm gonna put some glue in the cracks & mend it back together. I'll mend her heart back together. I'll mend our love back together as I also try to mend my friendships back together.
Hello again to the one & only, Liam.
