It is November 23, 2014.
I have done one good thing and I think I helped Alaska a bit. I went to her house with flowers, and oh god, only if you saw her face. She was ,what I would like to call, flabbergasted. It was dark and there I was standing with flowers, she then gave me my birthday present as I said hello to her parents.
Carol and I haven't talked. I want to text her so bad, you don't even know. She was my rock, I miss her. I told my twin brother, Luke that she had feelings for me but that was it. I guess things went out of whack and now I lost my best friend, my brother and almost my girlfriend.
This was supposed to be about me helping those I love but I don't think it still will be. Im collapsed on the ground by the hill where I once got kissed but now i'm screaming, p a n t i n g, slowly dying. Im being torn apart , limb by limb ,cell by cell. I can feel my heart that once was whole, fall slowly like petals on a rose. Im officially the black rose of death and everyone will see me pass as my petals fall off and wither away just like my soul has. Winter has officially taken over and as it tears through summer bringing everything warm and sunny down to the dark and the dead, i die. My cuts have opened wider and the frozen air ,freezes the blood ,leaving it into a scab. My friends have all fled to dark alleys to smoke and lose their virginities, they're killing themselves like this. I remember falling into the dark hole of this and I remember the scrapes I had gotten from the sharp edges as I fell to the depths of the whole, Now my friends have fallen in the exact same way. They've receives bruises on their ribs like I had when my Mother had beaten me for dropping a plate. They have cuts on their faces like I once had when I got into a fight with a guy and he brought out his pocket knife. He cut my face along with my strength.
I see Carol falling into the depths slowly, Im reaching out with my hands in the air ,all she has to do is grab ahold and allow me to pull her onto my cloud. It is the same with Alaska, Sadie, Sarah, Georgie and Celist. They all slap my hand away like it's filth. I don't know what to do.
should I stay and continue to try or leave like they keep saying I should do?
