𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 [𝐣𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐱]

十

it's been two months. people would expect jisung and felix to be dating, or at least make some progress; but is that the case? well this might answer the question

cough cough after many purging noises came coughing. I bet u can already guess what is it. felix relapsed.  over two, unexpectedly long months he became the definition of skeleton. his weight dropped even lower than it was before and he wasnt going to do anything about it.
just now he finished vomiting food he ate with his best friend hyunjin, basically the only person that was allowed to see him. jeongin came occasionally, well more like every day but was let inside thin boy's house only a few times. felix honestly thought hyunjin didnt notice him going to the bathroom about six minutes after their dinner, he thought he hid loud noises made by vomiting his insides by running the water...he thought it was what he deserved. wondering what happened?

this is my third date with jisung, I'm so happy. he said we are going somewhere but it's a surprise. I cant wait!! I eat every day without any complications, I really think I'm recovering....but I wish minho was here to see how good I'm doing. he just disappeared. this literally looks like I cheated on him .... it's making me feel so bad, I don't honestly blame him for abandoning me. hes better off without a dirty cheater like me.

that is where it all went wrong. jisung was just about to arrive at felix's house...who would expect to find felix terrorizing his own kitchen, eating everything he could. his thoughts about minho got the worst of him and now he was in his binging purging cycle. he didnt even notice jisung standing there, watching him with concerned eyes. of course after a few minutes he looked back and saw him, that's when his world crashed. he broke down right there, crying and screaming. that brought jisung back to reality and he ran to felix, hugging him tightly. but on the top of everything hug or any other form of physical contact was too much for lilac haired boy. he felt disgusting, as if he was not beautiful, not worthy of love. "get out!" he screamed at the older boy, and he listened. the catch is that, even though jisung was acting as if he is the stable one in their 'relationship', he wasnt. he was just as broken as felix and at that moment the person he cared about the most screaming at him to get out made him feel like it was all his fault. and what was he gonna do about it?

after around 10 minutes of running chocolate haired boy found himself on the bench just next to that one skate park that may have changed his life. he was in hurry, there was no time for procrastinating or wasting any second, he had to do it. soon the infamous box was out of his jacket and he was just about to light his first joint after many weeks of staying clean. not before taking a pill of course, if hes doing it, he must do it right. in a few moments after swallowing blue heart he felt his lungs fill with smoke. it was like everything that occurred fifteen minutes prior never happened, all of his feelings disappeared into nothingness.

and he kept it up for two more months.

xue