oneshots // bsd

sigma

notes: a stupid idea i came up with talking to murmurous-

sigma stared at you, dumbfounded and tired. you were wonderful and funny, but sometimes, sigma found himself wondering if he actually needed you in his life. this was one of those times. the love of his life was currently stuck with a foot in the floorboards, shoe sat pristinely atop a ceiling tile and a stupid grin on your dirtied face.

"hello sigma, light of my life, the only man i've ever loved, the most wonderful human being—"

"don't try to butter me up, it's not working."

"so," you began and sigma prepared himself mentally. how on earth were you going to talk your way out of this? "have you ever wondered how high you can kick while jumping? it's a question even the most gifted of scholars could never answer—"

"never in my life have i ever wondered that, no."

"you've been alive for three years get off your high horse." sigma rolled his eyes. "i committed myself to answer that question. so! i jumped and kicked and i tried to figure out how high i was kicking but i couldn't, so i decided to record it on that phone there—" you pointed to the phone balanced on the shot glass— "and i jumped and kicked but my shoe flew off and hit the tile and the floorboard broke and my leg got stuck so all of this to say, do we have termites?"

sigma tried to remind himself that you were a wonderful, unique, interesting person and he shouldn't kick you out because your name was on the lease. "[name], i don't think we have termites, no." you nodded.

"no, no, for sure, for sure, so we've always had butter-soft floor? cool, cool."

"you know," sigma began, walking over to you and hooking his hands under your arm as he yanked you out, "you being here is honestly a miracle."

"aw, thank you babe!"

"no, no, i mean its amazing you're still alive." you rolled your eyes and he began calling a repairman. "i'll get someone to fix this. try not to start an apocalypse while i'm at work," he said, giving you a small kiss on the temple as he made his way out.

work was boring. his clients were sweet but it was draining trying to keep everything calm and smooth sailing. it was tiring but rewarding. he entered his home, feeling elated but his smile dropped when he heard the smoke alarm and the smell of burning. "[name], what are you doing?" he yelled, watching you waft smoke out of the open window, a pan and burnt pasta in the sink under running water, burns on your fingers.

"so, turns out butter burns really fast!" you explained quickly, shushing the fire alarm like it was a scared horse. "who would've thunk it!"

"i—how can you be this stupid?! what were you even doing?!"

"i was trying to make pasta! i know, i know, what came over me? trying to cook dinner—what?" you spluttered sarcastically, hitting the smoke alarm with the back of a broom, finally turning it off.

"yes, exactly! you're the reason we don't own peelers and use safety scissors, which, if i remember correctly, you still cut your palm on!"

you stayed silent as you threw away the ruined pasta, clearing off the pan. "i was trying, you know," you murmured with a soft pout. sigma sighed, reluctantly wrapping his arms around your torso.

"you're an idiot and i wonder why i'm with you." you seemed dejected, but he pulled your cheek with a smile. "you're the dumbest human i have ever met."

"you're still with me, though."

"yeah," he sighed. "want to get pizza?"

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this is a disaster and this is me emotionally.