pick me. kim yohan

Fly High, X1

ill be writing this with tears in my eyes, memories in my mind and with my broken heart.

first of all,

...

ugh

i dont even know what to write. im feeling drained and lifeless and baffled and hurt and heartbroken and regretful, but the bottomline is, i feel really really bad. i know this is not just me, but you too, one its too, the members too, especially them.

the news is heartbreaking.

my whole body felt numb when i first read the article and my tears just kept on coming out.

X1 is disbanding?

i didnt believe it at first, but i kept crying, until i confirmed it with the articles and everything going on around my timeline. it was chaos.

they didn't deserve this. not at all.they are supposed to last for 5 years, not 5 months, goddamnit. they are supposed to reach their dreams together not go back to each company and separate. they are supposed to be here with us, them making us happy, us making them happy, not like this, where everyone was hurting.

personally, i was even looking forward in seeing them live. they kept on talking about visiting my country and i told myself ill see them when they go here. i got my all hopes up, and then all of those hopes came crashing to the ground.

they were one of the sources of my happiness, of one it's happiness. they are eachother's happiness too. X1 itself is their happiness. performing and doing music is what makes them happy. it's their dream. some of them even give up their lives just to chase this dream, and finally, they've reached that dream. but it was all taken away from them. and they couldnt even do anything about it. all those hardships, and struggles they've faced, it was all worth it for the long awaited debut, why take that away from them? it's not even their fault.

ive seen dohyon and hangyul's video posted by mbk. and their hashtags say #mbkboys. and that's when it really sank in to me, oh, it's true. the looks on hangyul's and dohyon's faces ripped my heart apart. they wanted to cry. it's clear that they're sad. but they got their selves together and toughen up just to deliver their messages of gratitude and happy memories with X1.

im worried. i wonder how the members felt. did wooseok get upset? i hope someone is there to comfort him, i hope he wont be left alone to overthink. did dongpyo and hyeongjun cry? did dohyon cry? did eunsang cry? did minhee cry? did junho cry? they are literally minors. but the world already made them taste such feelings of the cruel reality. what about seungwoo? was he okay? is seungyoun is still smiling? can someone tell him that it's okay to not smile for a while and show his real feelings? is yohan okay? i hope he's not regretting anything. how about hangyul? is he holding up just fine? i hope he is.

why does this need to happen?

why?

why so sudden?

they didn't even get the chance to say goodbye properly. they didnt even get the chance to have a goodbye concert or something like that. i bet they will sold out that goodbye concert too, because after all, they are legends.

but even that, we cant even know.

i was ready to say goodbye you know. wanna one made me ready, so i was ready. but after five years that is. not like this. not when it shocked me. not when it shocked not just the whole kpop world but the whole world. my whole world.

i love them so much.

i cant even think of tomorrow that they're not X1 anymore.

i cant see yohan and hyeongjun not being all marshmallowy with eachother.

seungwoo and dongpyo being the most adorable appa and son.

junho and eunsang being bestfriends and having fun with eachother.

hangyul, seungyoun and dohyon being the hurricane unit where they are set to spread chaos of fun.

minhee and wooseok eating dakbal together.

X1 is not X1 without those members together. they are lifetime friends and a family that is eachother's home. they've relied a lot on eachother, and bonded with one another too. their friendship is the key to that successful group, along with hardships and dreams of course.

X1 was so beautiful. please dont end it too soon.

there are times when id like to think of this as a dream, or a nightmare that i want to wake up from. when i close my eyes, i see them, but when i open my eyes, they're no longer there.

i'll miss them for sure. ill miss their banters and rants, and songs, and quirks, and performances, and practices, their funny moments, their cute moments, their sad moments, their hard and enduring battle against society, and everything about them.

and im pretty sure they'll miss eachother and us too.

i hope so.

ani, i know so.

they are meant to be great, so they will be great.

X1, you are meant to shine a lot brighter, and fly a lot higher. your wings are tough and enduring, the battle has been hard and you did well in fighting. you are wonderful. you are ethereal. you are elysian. you're euphoria. and most of all, you're a star, a flash of light, you light up the darkness.

dont ever forget all the wonderful memories we made with you. i hope you enjoyed them well. and that every single second spend with eachother, with us, is worth remembering and hopefully, could give a smile in your face in the future.

our leader, our shield and our hyung, han seungwoo, you did well. i love you.

our visual, our caretaker and our influencial hyung, kim wooseok, you did well. i love you.

our all rounder, our wall and happy pill, cho seungyoun, you did well. i love you.

our center, our mediator and our king yohighness, kim yohan, you did well. i love you.

our main dancer, our resident manly guy and our strength, lee hangyul, you did well, i love you.

our lethargy, our visual robot and our support, cha junho, you did well. i love you.

our cutie pie, our first center and self proclaimed team pabo, son dongpyo, you did well. i love you.

our president, our veteran artist kkk and our minimini, kang minhee, you did well. i love you.

our priki, our x member that we need and our serenade, lee eunsang, you did well. i love you.

our sunshine, our energizer and our main dancer, song hyeongjun, you did well. i love you.

our maknae, our musical genius, and our food genius too, nam dohyon, you did well. i love you.

our X1, our happiness and love, you did well. i love all of you. your dreams are what pushes you, your hardworks are your foundation, your friendship is your tight adhesive, and you are worth it of your positions, whatever they say, you deserve to reach your dream.

and now, you're scheduled to set off to space.

through the power of quantum leap,

fly high,

X1.

//

January 06, 2020.

X1 is forever.