I Don't Want To Hurt You- Suga

Understanding

I was eating breakfast silently as Lo was just poking her food.

I said "Can you just eat correctly?"

Lo said "I miss Suga."

I said "Yeah he misses you too. Now get to eating."

Lo said "You said you loved him but you left him. So, you lied?"

I said "Sometimes, you have to leave your love ones because it's just the best."

Lo asked "Like we left our parents?"

I said "Exactly."

Lo said "Suga hit you?"

I said "No he's not the problem. I am, Lo."

Lo looked at me shocked and said "What's wrong?"

I said "Lo it's grown up stuff."

Lo said "You won't ever go back to, Suga?"

I sighed and said "I don't think so."

Lo frowned and said "Oh."

"Let's get you to school." I said.

I drove Lo to school and she said "Have a good day, Moni!" Before getting off the car.

I drove to my job and did some painting with some little kids. I couldn't seem to concentrate as Suga roamed in my mind. I got startled as I heard my alarm on my phone. I got in my car and drove to a therapist.

"Hello, Moni. My name is Meri." Meri said.

I sighed nervously and shaked her hand. "I need help." I said.

Meri said "I'm all ears and remember I'm here to help you."

I nodded and said "Mostly everyone knows me because of Suga. I don't think anyone knows about my life though. Everyone mostly thinks Lo is my kid or me and Suga's kid."

I paused and Meri said "Take your time."

I said "I won't. I will get to the point because I have my businesses."

Meri chuckled and said "Remember you come first! You need to be prepared and healthy for Lo!"

I nodded and said "That's a problem I have. I make sure everyone around me is happy except for myself. I just assume I will be happy one day."

Meri asked "Are you?"

I shrugged and said "It doesn't matter."

Meri said "Tell me what's wrong."

I sighed and said "I let Suga go and it's killing me inside." I laughed and asked "Dumb, right?"

Meri asked "You need to remember that you can't make choices for others. You can't just tell someone your leaving and tell them they'll be fine. You may be fine but that doesn't mean he will."

I looked at her and said "I let him go because I know I couldn't make him happy with the way that I think."

Meri looked at me confused and said "What do you mean?"