Meet Me

Chapter 23 - Kiss Me

The five weeks that followed were torturous.  We barely spoke to each other. It wasn’t so much the awkward silence, more the awkward ignorance.

On what felt like a day of understanding each other - Ash and I that was - we had decided to stay where we were. The building was safe (now my brother was dead) and it is warm, best of all.

We couldn’t go outside. The snow had started to fall quicker and heavier. I could see it from the warmth of the building. It was about a foot deep and the colour of innocence mixed with muddy waters.

Ash was on the sofa, while I was pacing up and down, occasionally glancing outside the window. After a while of nothing, he spoke.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he said. “I know what’s going on in your head. No Owen, no life? Right?” Not strictly true, but mostly true. “You think that it would be easier if you forgot about him. You’re going to leave. One way or another. So, I am asking you not to. Telling you not to.” Was he telepathic, or did he just know me that well? I voted for the first one. Also, why was he only just saying sorry now? Owen was dead. He had been dead for five weeks. He was rotting outside. So was Katherine. I hadn’t apologised for her.

I didn’t say anything, because there wasn’t anything to be said.

“Don’t leave me. I’ve lost everyone. I know you might not exactly like me. You see me as a distraction?” Ash begged. I wanted to nod, but I thought better of it. “I know last night meant absolutely nothing, but it should’ve done. I haven’t kissed anybody for these years too. It was a bit like my first kiss again.” He chuckled, I found nothing funny. “For you, it seemed as if it were a duty. I used to sleep around. A lot. That was why my girlfriend dumped me. She was afraid of catching something off me. I always got checked, though, and I was always clean.”

“Why are you telling me about your sexual life? It has nothing to do with me.” I started, but didn’t finish.

“I know, I know and I understand that most of this you won’t want to hear. Mostly because it has nothing to do with your cousin.”

“Brother. He was my brother.” I stated. I was being truthful, just not telling the truth of genetics.

“”Okay. Well, just listen to me.”

I listened to him.

“Let me start by telling you that you are crazy. Crazy enough to believe that your, so called, ‘family’ will look after you. Not after you shot Connor. Or, don’t you remember that?”

“I remember that.”

“Good. Now onto the real point I am trying to make.” Finally. “I used to be a sex addict. Every night of every day I would… But, then I recovered. It might not exactly apply to you, but last night proved that you are on the verge of becoming one. I know the signs. Now isn’t the time to want sex, Kate. Now isn’t the time to love either.” He started to say something else, but I needed to say something. I had been with this man for over eight weeks now. We had been forced closer than most people. We had been alone for eight weeks. We had killed together for eight weeks. Looked after each other for eight weeks.

“I don’t want sex. I want you. I love you.”                                                                                                

Ash seemed to stop breathing. Just those three words were enough to have an effect on him. Little did he know, I wasn’t in love with him, I just loved him. The conversation had ended just like that.

Again, you can decide what followed. No, I won’t lead you on. I will tell you exactly what happened.

Ash kissed me. Soft and sweet. Either it was him, or the fact that I hadn’t been kissed like that ever before. I felt the love he had for me radiating off him and it terrified me. I told him something and he, I think, got the wrong idea about it. I didn’t stop what he was doing to me, because I was selfish. It felt refreshing to have somebody kiss and hold you in a way that wouldn’t usually be acceptable in public.

I couldn’t go without sex for two whole years, possibly three. I wanted him, but I didn’t know if it was him I wanted. He held me like no man had ever held me before (cliché, but very true for me) and he kissed me differently.

Before, men had just wanted to get into my pants and that was that. Not Ash. He had no choice though, did he? We were now a team of two.

Lips locked together, falling onto the floor – because we missed the sofa completely – and holding hands. Whispers in my ear. Promises that we’d get through this together. I wasn’t buying it. Not really. I knew how this would end. Madness.

It was madness.

Clothes off.

Carefulness turned into desperation.

No feelings anywhere – not that I could find or see.

“I love you, too.” He whispered. Right before he sealed our lips again.

Oh, so maybe some feelings were out in the open?