Meet Me

Chapter 40 - When

Kate

"Love, laugh, live." - Unknown

There is always the chance you are going to do something great with your life. Me? Not so much until I was given the chance to survive by myself. Even then, I still didn't do anything spectacular. Doing something great doesn't make you a better person.  In fact, it can make you worse. You become arrogant and cocky. And all because of just one little thing. Most of the time, it would've been an accident. Most of the time, you would've had help achieving something massive. It's not fair.

There are many things in this world that are considered not fair. When somebody says that, it is flippant and doesn't mean anything to anybody. Yes, people have a little whine and moan about little things that 'aren't fair'. The most common things that 'aren't fair' are nothing. Like the weather for instance. The true things in life that are 'not fair' go much deeper than the news reveals. Hunger, war, starvation, murder. Yes those, and more, aren't fair.

Fairness, normality and greatness are things that humans wish actually existed. To tell you the truth, they don't. They are some illusion that we have made up in order to keep things moving. To have a word to say when you are complaining about something: no matter how big or small.

There are no such things, because I haven't come across them. I have come across emotions. But, not those speculated words. I guess we all go a little crazy. In an apocalypse, I would feel this pain for all eternity. I wasn't able to live, love and laugh without Owen and Luisa. I had Ash, yes, but he was still a stranger. He wouldn't save me. He wasn't able to. This isn't a romance story, therefore he won't save me.

"Kate, don't do this, please! I ... what am I going to do without you? I'll be alone. I'll have nobody. I'm sorry Owens dead, I really am. I'm sorry everybody you... love is dead. I'm not dead. Do you love me?" I didn't love him in the way he wanted me to. Not in a way that would convince me not to make him shoot me.

I don’t say anything. I communicated with him with my eyes. I plead him to shoot.

Love was something that happened over time. I didn’t personally, have feelings for Ash that went as deep as love. Love had started off a foreign word to me. It still remained one.

But it wasn’t Ash who I had asked to do this for me.

Ash had said to trust Kyle, so I was trusting him.

I let him hold the barrel of the gun to my head and I don't cry. Kate Farah doesn't cry.

Goodbye, Luisa.

Goodbye, Owen.

Goodbye, Katherine.

Goodbye, Connor.

Goodbye, Ash.

Goodbye, Hell.

Goodbye, Earth.

Goodbye, emotions and feelings.

Goodbye, life.

Goodbye, Kyle.

“When.” I whispered.

BANG! Thump.

I wished somebody could've taught me to love. All I wanted - all I needed - was to not be alone. Teach me how to love. I'd scream it if I could. Teach me how to love. No, teach me how to die. Teach me how to love death. God in heaven, teach me how to die. I couldn’t love, laugh and live. Just like the signs had said.

We are all angels sent from heaven. However, some of us weren't good little angels. So, god had to punish the best of us for being daring.