Where to Begin

Chapter 34

  His head lifted slowly and I met his gaze, through his rarely seen, nerdy glasses, as his hand tightened around mine.

"Celine?" He breathed as tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh thank god," he muttered under his breath, bringing my hand up to his mouth.

"What are you doing here?"

"You phoned me," he looked at me confused.

It suddenly struck me. The only number I managed to remember off-by-heart...was Connell's.

"I answered but you didn't say anything so I got Zero to track your phone. He also drove me here,"

He looked at me shyly.

"You tracked my phone?"

He nodded slowly.

"All the way here?"

He looked at me with soft eyes and was still clutching my hand.

"So, do the others know?"

"The others? Like my brothers?"

"Yeah,"

"No. I didn't tell anyone except Zero but he doesn't know why we're here, he just drove and I told him to not tell anyone so..." he trailed off. I stared at him, closely studying all his facial features; the slightly golden sparkle in his eyes, the sharp curve in his jaw...It was like I had seen him for the first time and I couldn't remember what he looked like so I needed to study his face to remember.

"How long have you been here?"

He looked at his watch.

"About two hours now. When I got here, you were sleeping,"

"So you sat here for two hours while I slept? Even though I shouted at you? Even though you probably hate me?"

He frowned.

"I do not hate you Ladybird. If I did, I wouldn't be here right now, would I?" He asked with a teasing smile. I shrugged but it hurt my ribs and I clutched my chest with my free hand.

We were quiet for a long time. Just listening to the sounds of the hospital. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, just natural silence.

"I'm so sorry I lied to you, I am so so sorry. I didn't want you to pity me or something like that. I didn't mean to hurt you and your family,"

"You shouldn't apologize for anything, Celine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you and I didn't keep it together and I'm sorry that you ran away and it's all my fault that you're in this state,"

"No, Connell, it is not your fault, it's my fault. I should have just ran to the back of the garden or something, not to Benji..." I let out a breathy laugh.

"Oh, about that. I need to tell you something," he said quietly looking at me. His hand tightened around mine.

I stared at him blankly and stopped laughing.

"Benjamin's body was found in the creek next to the highway, he was already dead when the ambulance arrived..."

No.

No.

No.

No.

No!

This could not be happening. They had to be wrong. They had to be!

"What?"

"Doctor Melroy told me that his body was flung from the car on impact because he wasn't wearing a seat-belt,"

Now I was suffocating. The words were like a punch to the throat. The room was getting smaller; the walls were getting closer, the air escaping my lungs at the speed of light.

"No, no, this can't be happening. It's all my fault,"

My eyes swelled with tears. "It's all my fault! What have I done?" I kept asking over and over until Connell stood over me and held my arms gently.

"Celine, it isn't your fault,"

"It is! If I hadn't asked him to take me then none of this bullshit would have happened!" I yelled, my voice thick from heavy crying.

"No, Celine, it's not your fault. Listen to me," he gently cupped my face with his right hand. I stopped my excessive crying and looked at him, through eyes still rimmed with tears.

"Doctor Melroy said that they found excessive traces of alcohol and drugs in his blood, specifically cocaine and marijuana,"

Suddenly, I wasn't so sad anymore. I was angry. How could Benjamin have come and picked me up so heavily under the influence? That explains the weird, dull sparkle in his eyes and the slurring of his words.

"See? It wasn't your fault, he was a dick who was drunk and high and should never have even gotten in the car in the first place,"

My breathing calmed and my tears dried as Connell gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.

I put my hand out for him as he sat back down in the small plastic chair and laced his fingers through mine. I brought his hand up to my face. He smelt like coconut and men's shower gel.

We were quiet again, letting everything in our minds process.

After a while, he broke the silence with a soft whisper. "If you ever run away again, at least tell me first so I can be your getaway driver,"

He was looking at our hands.

"You don't have your full license yet though,"

"That's why you'd have to wait at least another two years before even thinking about running away again," he smiled to himself. "But...I don't ever want to have to be your getaway driver. Please, never run away again,"

His eyes slowly left our hands and met mine.

"I promise you will never have to be my getaway driver,"

He slowly leaned forward and hesitated.

"Is this ok?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Yes."