xlvi

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by YUCKYBOY

by YUCKYBOY

alex - 1st february 2019

i'm falling, falling, falling into the abyss of light. there's nothing to hear, nothing to touch, only an all consuming whiteness — a canvas of my silent screams. i will never, ever stop falling.

maybe there's a certain comfort to be found in that. maybe i can relax, knowing that the bottom is further than the centre of the earth, the fiery pits of hell where my angels lie. if i never stop falling, i can never hit the ground. no pain. no feelings. all would be well.

there's a shift in light. i notice now that i never was screaming, maybe the rush of air in my ears caused it, except there is no air here. not a single atom. i'm falling through the brightest black hole the universe ever created. oh, but now it's adorned with clouds and the sky is almost blue. it's a sky now? when did that happen? maybe i do want to stop falling. the sky leads to the harshness of reality on solid, firm ground...

take me back up. i don't need that. i need to be in the clouds, in my bright black hole, falling, or maybe just floating. no cares in the world, in the universe, in my black hole.

except, there is one care. there's always one care.

him.

it's him now, it's him then, it will always be him.

if the impact with the ground means him, maybe i can bear it. maybe i can force myself to my feet after the downward spiral to (in)sanity. i wish he could just fall with me. that's the heaven i'd like to live in. just me and him and falling.

can i save him from the ground and the horrors it allows to thrive? can i manifest him into this white black hole that engulfs me and keep him beside me forever? god, please, my one wish. i won't ask for anything else. just let me have him.

oh no. no. i'm falling now. falling through space and time and dimensions which i didn't know existed. i'm going to hit the ground. i know i am. why can't you just bring him up here? please! oh, pain, misery, anguish, grief, falling, falling, falling.

nothing.

sheets sticky with sweat. lying like a corpse. not falling. hit ground. no white black hole. rigid. silent.

him.

two hands intertwine. back stiff. can't move. terror. no breath. life in a vacuum. dying.

but still him.

***

a/n: bit different? u like? first update of 2019 n we SWITCHING UP DA TING

lmao thank you for over 70 FKN K !!!??? UM that is a madness can't believe my dream on wattpad used to be to get 1k on a book🥺 oh how the turned tables have

this book... i VOW... to finish it... this year... 2020 work ur magic etc etc n e ways stick around I LOVE YOU XXX