Make me stay

What is warmth?

It's dark inside but I hope he's home. I know he's home. 

The crickets chirp. It's cold. The summer wind is merciless. The light goes on in the hall and the door opens to show his figure in a touseld t-shirt, no pants and a hand over his eyes, wincing at the light on the porch. 

Another cold wind blows by. So cold. 

"Do you know what time it is" he states, not really a question. 

"You're very kind" I answer. My thin body is shaking in the night. I'm frozen, though it's july. It's a cold july. All my months are cold. July too. 

"Were you working?" he wants to know as he steps aside. His dark eyes follow me intently as I enter. He doesn't like my job. I don't like my job. 

"Drinking" I answer and hurry inside. It's dark. Darker than outside. A better darkness. The cold is kept at bay by these thin wooden walls. 

"Did he kick you out?" he wonders with that pitying voice that I hate. He doesn't like my boyfriend. I don't like my boyfriend. 

"I was out with friends. I have them too, you know" I hiss at him but I'm not really angry. This isn't the first time I've showed up like this. I have no right to be angry. He has every right to be angry. 

"My bad" he mumbles and stumbles towards the bedroom, still sleepy. His house is dark. I throw my shoes off in the hall and head for the living room. I want to sleep. I want to sleep for a long time. 

"The couch is taken. My brother's in town. You'll have to sleep with me" he says and I nod while cringing at the bad luck. Why tonight of all nights? All I wanted tonight was a bed. But that's a lie of course. 

"How kind of you" I mumble and follow him. He is kind. Too kind. 

"Isn't like you haven't before" he sighs and lays down on the bed. I use him a lot. I've slept here a lot. I've even slept with him... but I don't want to remember that. It makes things complicated. It hurts. He's kind, so it hurts. Coming here is bad judgment on my part; it's the alcohol, and the other things I took tonight. 

I peel the tight jeans from my legs and and crawl in beside him. It's a small bed so we can't help but touch. His arm against my back is warm. Very warm. His house is warm. Always warm. He likes warmth. I like warmth. 

"Good night, Rhy" he says and shift to get comfortable. I lie perfectly still. What am I waiting for? 

I relish in the heat that radiates from his body. I like his voice. I bet he doesn't like mine. 

"Good night, Jason" I mumble and close my eyes. He's so warm, so very warm. I like warmth. 

What is warmth?