Make me stay

That someone

Keith says his mom fries eggs for breakfast. My mom is smoking something that smells wrong. 

With a cold ache in my stomach I tip toe back to my room. After an hour I hear how she gets up. A loud crash and some swearing comes from her. 

"Ryan! Come here right now!" she calls loudly. I shiver behind my door but I know she will be even more angry if I don't come at once. Slowly I peek out and make my way towards her. She grabs me by my arm and sqeezes it painfully. 

"You fucking little rat! You ate it all?! You greedy PIG! Just like your fucking father! HOW DARE YOU!" she yells and shakes me. I cry out from the pain of her grip and she flings me away so that I fly backwayds. My head slams into the fridge door. 

"Mom!" I cry and tears stream down my face. 

"YOU DISGUSTING RAT! DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT! I HATE YOU! HATE YOU!" she roars and I flee out the door and down the street, running as fast as my legs can carry me. 

At some point the tears stop. I don't want to play with Keith and the other kids today, or go home, so I keep walking. My feet hurt because I don't have any shoes on. I'm hungry and already tired but I can't go back yet. It's still bright outside. 

I know she won't sleep until it's dark, until she's used the terrifying needles that lie around the house. 

Keith loves his mom. She's a very nice person. She loves Keith. She makes him breakfast.

My mom is very scary sometimes. And she never makes me breakfast. 

I hate that my mom isn't like Keith's. I miss my dad. I miss my kindergarten teacher. I miss having someone who cares. 

As I sit down on the cracked pavement of a foreign road I wonder if I will ever have that someone again. Maybe I won't. Maybe only good boys like Keith get to have it. Maybe I will never have that someone. But I really, really wish I will.