Make me stay

Playing school

He got mad again because I burnt the burgers. My back hurts and I know there will be marks. 

Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck it all to hell! 

I can't sleep after work. Since I came home at five I decide to just play on my phone until school starts. He's aslepp, quiet like a sleeping dragon, but I know he's there, in the bedroom. 

I make myself comfortable on the couch and though it's very warm I drown myself in two hoodies and a pair of sweat pants. I'm still cold. I don't want to contemplate why, so I choose a harder level and tap my thumps rapidly. 

Before he gets up I change into a pair of ripped jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. It'll be warm but I still got a nastly bruise on my wrist and this shirt is tight so it won't show my back either. 

I walk slowly because it's a full thirty minutes untill class start. In this neighborhood few are up in the morning. More are coming home from late night shifts, walking towards their house in a desperate, martyrelike stagger. 

As I turn down the main road I feel the urge to turn right instead and follow the cracked pavement to Jason's house. But I have marks, ugly marks that I can't show Jason. I can't go there. Because I am ugly. 

I squeeze my wrist until the bracelets cut into my skin. Turning left I head to school. The closer I get the more student's I see. Many are actually early. None frome my class though. 

It's definently going to be a hot day. The sun is very energetic even though it's only morning. I shade my face with my hand until I step inside. 

No one talks to me. No one says good morning. They just look at the freak passing by. 

When I was little I used to think that I was better than my bullies. Now I just feel as shitty as they think I am. Who would be friends with a disgusting rat? 

I wait by my locker. Picking with the things inside until the teatcher arrives. Slamming it shut I see Rory looking at me. 

"I didn't think you could look worse but this is a new low" he says and his friends laugh. They are all fucking idiots. 

"Fuck you" I hiss and stride past him into the classroom. Angrily I slump down into one of the chairs. 

"Little emo freak thinks he's so cool!" he calls after me and everyone laughs. 

No one sits next to me. Everyone is talkning. Half of the class hasn't arrived even though class began 20 minutes ago. The rest are dropping in one by one. No one has brought their books. 

It's like we're playing school. 

I stay quiet while playing on my phone and I'm not the only one. The teatcher doesn't even scold us anymore. We've all given up on this so we play instead. Like we used to play family when we were little. 

Everyone has a role and we act like it's real, while not giving a shit. 

I'm bored out of my mind and by last period I'm just half sleeping listening to music until Rory slams his fist down on the desk two rows in front of mine. I jerk my head up. The victim is Alvin and he's shaking. 

I freeze feeling the too-familiar feeling of fear. I want to help him, but why would I? Truth is I can't help him. Just like he can't help me. We are too weak. Too freaky. To disgusting. 

He's actually a lot like me. Quiet. Sad. Always alone. But he has a better attitude. He's nice, polite and sweet in ways that I've never been. 

"I told you to go buy me a soda! Get up, bitch!" Rory roars at him and Alivn flies up and hurry out the classroom. The teatcher wants to say something but she doesn't. It's all too much. I get it. Too much of a pain. It won't change anything. Why bother? 

I wonder if my secrets about my boyfriend are this transparent. What if everone knows? The thought makes me cold to my core. They can't. I'm so full of spikes that they can't look straight at me. 

If I'm too wierd they won't notice what I'm hiding. 

The bell finally rings and all the boys wrestle in the doorway. Me and Alvin and the other loosers wait patiently. There is no point in fighting. We already know we'll lose. 

In the hallway I grab my bag from the puke green locker and jam it shut. I want to leave. I don't want to go home. I want to-

"HEY, FREKY FRIDAY!" Emmet calls but I ignore him hurrying down the hall but he's persistant. "Rory had shit to do today so we have a spot open. Wanna join us?" he teases. 

"I'd rather die" I bite back. 

"Oh, come one. Don't be like that. We wanna play soccer but we're missing one person. Don't you wanna play?" he asks dramatically, like he's sad but he can't keep himself from laughing. His friends all laugh with him. 

I keep walking. Maybe they will lose interest. 

"Ryan, I said wait the fuck up!" he finally yells and slams me into the wall. I just hold very still. Like I respekt him. Like I'll do what he says. My boyfrined likes that; I think Emmet likes it. 

He smiles creepily. 

"Why don't you wanna be firends, Ryan? Are we not cool enough to hang out with you? We can get black clothes and draw eyeliner if that will make you like us? Shall we go to the mall?" he taunts, earning a ton of laughter from his friends. 

I don't answer. Maybe he will  calm down. 

"RYAN! Are you listening to me?!" he hisses and grab me only to slam me into the wall again. This time I hit my head on the bruise my boyfriend made. It hurts like hell so I can't help but cry out. 

Dylan punches me lightly in the stomach. It's nothing compared to my boyfriend but it still hurts. I hunch over trying to protect myself but Emmet pulls me up by my hair. 

"I said listen! Fucking freak. What's wrong with you?! Mommy didn't love you?" he mocks me. A teatcher call out to us but with Dylans help they quickly haul me out onto the school yard. 

The teatcher doesn't follow us. 

"We are the ones who should be whining. We have to se your sorry ass every day. Ever think about that? We have to look at your disgusting face. So don't whine, you nasty homo" he growls before landning quick punch at the side of my head. 

It's not very hard. Nothing gets broken, but hell it hurts so bad. I cry out in pain but they all just mutter. Dylan shoves me down before they walk away. 

"Remember to be nice next time!" Emmet threats while walking away. 

I drag myself off the ground when they are gone. It hurts a lot. This isn't the first time they've hit me, but it's the firts time they hurt me so much. Usually it's just one punch, one kick or just slamming me against the wall or onto the ground. This is new and terrifying. 

I'm shaking but I don't know what to do. In the end I just hurry home.