Team fortress 2: world of magic and random crossovers XD

Gummmmmmmm

3rd person

"No, no, no! That is not right at all! You cannot just call other men 'BRO'!" he snapped. Hours had gone by and it was now afternoon. The Pyro had made progress, but his headache certainly hadn't.

The woman shot him a sassy look. She was trying as hard as she could and that was the thanks she got?

"Well, excuse me, princess!"

"Oh, please! At this rate, even I am more of one than you are!" he spat. Yikes. Was she that bad?

"Forget about princesses, you're acting like a bona fide drama queen! Geez, what's gotten into you today? You're not yourself."

A brief moment of silence passed before he answered.

"If you'd really like to know, I feel as though I've been shot in the head."

At this, Pyro had the audacity to laugh, which drove Spy mad.

"May I ask you what you find so amusing?" he growled.

"For someone as astute as you, I would've thought that you'd taken something like aspirin. Did you not?" she asked with a small smirk.

Oh.

"...Well."

"No?"

"No."

"Then don't act all prissy on me just because you have a headache, especially if you haven't even taken some aspirin! You've got to take care of yourself, you know."

"And where do you suggest we obtain such medication?"

"Well, we could go to the shop downstairs, but it's pretty much highway robbery. Like, who wants to pay ten dollars for a few aspirin? Yeah, nobody. Let's go to the convenience store a few blocks away. I feel like getting out for some fresh air, what about you?"

"Do I have much of a choice?"

"Nope."

Doorbells jingled as the scent of coffee, bubblegum, and newspaper print filled the mercenaries' olfactory nerves. Unfortunately, the duo did not have the forethought to give the Spy a disguise while walking into a convenience store. After spending years in a secluded military base, they'd almost forgotten how they looked to outsiders. Instantly they remembered that Spy's balaclava combined with his pressed Dior suit was not exactly innocuous-looking; in fact, he looked like a mob capo ready to raid an unsuspecting Quick-Mart.

"ROBBAH! ROBBAH! WE GOT A ROBBAH IN HEAH!" hollered the young clerk, grabbing a pistol from underneath the counter.

"Wait, no!" shouted Pyro in an attempt to reason. "We're not here to rob your store!"

"HOW DO I KNOW THAT?" the clerk screamed, tears in her eyes.

"We aren't even armed!" Come see for yourself!"

The clerk gingerly approached them with her pistol, and with both of their hands in the air, patted them down thoroughly.

"A-alright. You guys are okay..." she shuddered, putting the pistol back and returning to her position behind the counter.

"Thank you. Now, what we did come for is aspirin. Where do you guys sell that?"

The young, gum-smacking woman (now filing her nails) looked towards an aisle, and nodded her head towards it.

"Right ova theah, next to the ACE bandages. Can't miss em."

"Thanks."

The teenaged girl blew a large, pink bubble, blatantly staring at the Pyro the entire time. That woman looked uncannily familiar to her. She turned to the Spy, who was leaning against the counter with his head in his hands, looking nothing short of miserable. Up close, she decided, he was quite handsome, despite his mask. Angular, narrow facial structure, majestic aquiline schnoz, bright baby blues, stubble, an intoxicating hint of aftershave.

Wow, for a weirdo he sure is a hunk! she thought. Besides, a little digging never hurt anyone, right? Right.

"So, uh. Ya wife suah is kind, gettin' you asp-rin and all."

"Ah, she is not my wife," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. All the screaming had done a number on his headache.

"Oh, really now? Is she, uh. Ya fiancée?"

"Non."

"Ya girlfren?"

"Non," he groaned.

"So ya just a swinging bachelor, huh? Hm. Gee, what a shame ya haven't been snatched u-"

"Hiiiiii! I apologize for keeping you guys waiting for so long!" Pyro laughed as she abruptly entered the one-sided conversation with a box of Bayer, fully aware of what had just taken place. She was not normally the jealous type, but who was this girl and what right did she have hitting on the Spy? She knew she was being protective of someone who wasn't even hers, but there were plenty of handsome spies. This spy was her Spy.

As the girl rung up the aspirin, she kept her eyes on the Pyro.

"Sorry if I'm starin' like a freak, haha. But you, uh...you really look familiah. Do I know ya?" she asked, pointing a long, manicured finger at her.

Pyro's eyes flickered up from her purse to the cashier. Now that she mentioned it, she also rung a bell.

"Wait a sec," the cashier said. "Didja happen ta grow up in Rego Pawrk?"

"Uh-"

"OH MY GAWD, IT'S YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU, BA-"

"SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro waved her arms about.

"Why you shushin' me, Barb, I know it's you! You've changed, but-"

"Damnit, Nadine! I'm undercover!" Pyro groaned. "Don't spout my information everywhere, geez!"

"OHH MY GAWD, I'M SAWRRY. What are you, a fancy-schmancy secret agent now? So that's where ya went. Must be lotsa fun. Very exciting!"

"Exciting my ass. I'm afraid I can't-"

"Yeah, yeah, you can't tell me nothin'. That's okay, I undastand how it is," she said, smiling knowingly.

"How's Queens?"

"Queens? Ah, it's alright, ya know. Not much's changed. Ya family misses ya bunches, they send you lotsa kisses." Nadine grabbed Pyro's face from across the counter and kissed both of her cheeks multiple times.

"One for daddy, and mommy, and me, and ya little sister, and ya dawg, and Auntie Ruthie, and Grandma Estha, and Pap-Pap Danny, and ya cousin Schlomo, especially. Rememba him, of course ya do, it's Schlomo. You can neva forget Schlomo. Oof, what a character he is. He got accepted into NYU, that kid is GOIN' places! Gawd, ya know, I didn't even recognize you! You look ab-so-lute-ly GAHWGEOUS now! And ya smell great too, is that Channel 5 you're wearin' or is it Channel 11? I can never keep track. GOSH, ya makeup's so nice, and look at ya dress! It's like you stepped outta Vogue! And ya hair is all flowy and shiny, what's ya secret! It's not even on fiah! Speaking of fiah, things aren't on fiah as much since you left. Yeah, the fiah department gets a break. I miss the smell of smoke sometimes, know what I mean?"

The older woman sighed and chuckled in nostalgia at the younger's woman's nonstop gushing about their hometown. "Yeah, I bet. Thanks, and don't tell anyone you saw me, okay? That'll blow my cover. Call me Phoebe O'Brien."

"What, you an Irish gal now? You ain't even much of a ginge," she observed with crossed arms, popping the gum in her mouth.

"Yeah, I know, but it's my undercover identity. Don't forget, okay? I'll see you around, Nay."

"You got it. Well, thanks fa shappin' at Quick-Mart...Mizz O'Brien!"

Pyro grinned, nodded, and dragged the Spy out the door, bells jingling in their wake.

Wow long... see ya peeps