But Now We're Stressed Out

So sick and tired of all the needless beating

TRIGGER WARNINGS : talks about the following - abusive relationship, drugs, cutting, suicide, hitting, rape, sex

Remus POV
I glanced over at the clock again.  I was laying frozen in fear on the couch where Issac made me sleep.  It's almost 3 am.

Issac got to sleep on the bed.  Even though it wasn't a good bed, it's still better than this stained falling apart couch. 

This isn't working anymore.  I can't take it.  I need to get away from Issac.  But he'll hurt me if I leave.

He loves me, right?

Letting out a long sigh, I pushed myself up off the couch.  I tried to move as slowly as possible so that I didn't make the rusted springs creak. 

Slowly, I moved around and tried to find my clothes.  I had to work by the small amount of moonlight coming in from the window.  I pulled my boxers back on and then scrounged around for a shirt and some pants. 

Issac was laying on the bed under the window.  Asleep only a few feet away.  I don't want to wake him up so I have to remain as silent as possible. 

I slowly opened the closet door begging it to not make any sound.  Once the door was open enough, I grabbed the tattered messenger bag laying on the floor. 

Then I worked on pulling my clothes out of the closet.  I didn't have much and most of it was slutty.  Half of it was stuff Issac forced me to wear to please him.  I'm into a lot of kinky things but it was different when Issac made me indulge in them. 

I stuffed all my clothes into the messenger bag and then tied my combat boots to them.  I carried my favorite pair of heels in my hand, sad to have to leave the others. 

My hands paused over all the pill bottles and bags of so many drugs on the kitchen table.  I need them.  No I don't.  But they make me feel better.  But they'll destroy me.

With much forced self control, I pulled my hand away from the drugs.  I did grab my blades, tossing them into the side pocket. 

I didn't bother packing food.  I can scrounge if I'm not welcome back home.  It won't be the first I've been homeless. 

I also decided against bringing any of my sex toys.  I don't want them.  They remind me of things Issac made me do. 

I'm done with Issac.  I'm done with this life.  I know he's an abusive asshole but I still stuck with him for so long.  Hoping that someday he'd turn around and love me like he did back in high school.

Which I learned later was stupid to believe he'd change.  He's only gotten worse and he's just going to keep going downhill.  I don't want him dragging me down with him anymore.

I want to be free of Issac. I want to get clean, from both drugs and cutting. I want to stop drinking so much. I want to get better.

Those are all things Evan told me. Things he wished for me. The things he said stuck with me. For some fucked up reason he sees good in me. Evan thinks that I can get better.

Evan. Satan what is he doing to me. I can't be with him. He has two other boyfriends. And they don't like me.

Evan with his adorableness. His skirts and pastel aesthetic. The freckles. Those bright green eyes that somehow see good in me. His soft brown hair. I just want to kiss him.

He's also underage. Evan's still seventeen. He told me his birthday is February 13. Not too far away but these...feelings I have for him. I don't know what to make of them. Does this make me a pedophile?