But Now We're Stressed Out

Panic attacks at the disco

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Well, my school is shut down for the next three weeks because of Coronavirus.  So....I've been on a writing rampage

Emery is a new OC I've been working on but I have no clue really how to fit him into any of my stories I'm working on rn

TRIGGER WARNINGS : attempted self harm, angst, panic attacks

Virgil POV
I can't do this.  There's no way I can do this.  Maybe I should just kill myself so I wouldn't have to deal with this.  I hate this.

I death glared all the college application forms spread out across Roman's desk.  I don't even know where I want to go for college! 

This is all so much so quickly.  It feels like just yesterday I was having a panic attack on the first day of freshman year.  But now I'm working on college applications.

Roman's going to the state college and going into their drama program.  He wants to get to broadway eventually.  And maybe I'm just biased because he's my boyfriend but I think he's good enough to perform there already.

Maybe I'll try to get into that college. It's probably my best bet to not loose my damn mind. I'll at least have Roman nearby since it's on campus living for freshman year. I'm not looking forward to living in a dorm with a stranger.

I grabbed my phone and my headphones. I slid them over my ears and put on my Panic! At The Disco playlist. I need music to calm me and my anxiety down.

What am I even supposed to study and major in? I have nothing that I'm particularly good at in school. I'm mediocre at everything.

English might be something good for me to major in since it is a subject I actually do well at and enjoy. Or maybe I could info psychology. My therapist said that's an easy course.

And I don't even want to start thinking about the cost of college. I'm going to end up living me entire life with horrible college debt. Roman will manage to get some football or musical scholarship. And knowing his luck, it'll probably be a full ride too.

There's no way in hell that I have a chance at making it into college. I'm dumb and there's nothing special about me. I don't want to write a college essay about myself. What would I even write it about?! How my sister died and it traumatized me?! How my dad abused the shit out of me for years to the point he had to go to jail?!

I can't even drive! How the fuck am I going to even get to my classes?! And I'll have to live with a stranger before Roman and I can buy an apartment together.  He'll be too busy to help me all the time.  What if he meets someone better and leaves me?!

My hands were shaking badly in my lap. I rested my forehead against the desk.  But I had reached the point in a panic attack where even music was helping me.