I know everyone wishes I would have died that day. I was ready to leave. that morning as I lay awake in that hospital bed I was disappointed. as usual I couldn't even do this right. to me suicide was a joke in the beginning and soon it became my only choice. it was the only thought I had in mind for several months it's what got me through most of the week. "My death-day is coming just a little longer". I don't remember when it started or why I felt this way. I just knew that I wasn't going to make it till next year but I did and I know it's all in my head probably but nobody looks at me the same, nobody treats me the same because I'm weak and that's the reality of it. I'm a ticking time bomb at any moment I could die. everyone seems worried but at this point, but deep down I know but I shouldn't have made it through that night. I should have tried harder. then I wouldn't be stuck where I am now. I've been going to therapy for 4 years and progressively I have only been getting worse. It doesn't matter how many therapists I see. it doesn't matter how many times I go. it doesn't matter if I go everyday or if I get put on medication because in the end I've already given up and there's no point to it, there's no reason to continue this fight. I mean what's the point continuing ? what happens if I don't get better? I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.
1-22-10
YOU ARE READING
Dear Deppresion
Non-FictionDear depression, Do you really need to be a part of my life? Alot of these notes are old, some are recent. These can be triggering so please read with care. Aside from that this book follows along with some of my most hidden and deepest though...
