renaissance [DISCONTINUED]

The reason no man knows; let it suffice

"See you guys!" Diana last said when leaving the Café with Anne's other friends, leaving her alone with Gilbert in there. Anne, Gilbert and the silence.

It was the longest minute of Anne's life. Between the time they friends left and the minute that had passed, no words were said between Anne and Gilbert. They looked strangely at each other, when both tried to break it off, both sentences stumbling into one another, and uncomfortable laughter coming up in the following.

"Sorry." They both said it at the same time.

"Did you get your shirt back?" Asked Anne.

"Yeah, I did." Answered Gilbert "How's Charlie?"

"He's good, he's good..." Anne tried ending the sentence that way, but her thoughts were louder than her will to stay quiet, she couldn't not speak about what happened "Actually... no. No, he's not."

"Is everything okay with him? Did something happen?"

"Well, yeah, but not really." She got up and took her stuff "Can we leave? I want to get that dinner, we can go someplace else to eat it."

"Sure, but you're telling me what happened on the way."

"Deal."

They both left the café, and it seemed like the place they went as a group was attended long ago, that they were stuck in some estranged reality where they were the only two survivors getting in Gilbert's car.

"So, Chinese or Thai?" Gilbert asked.

"Thai, definitely."

"Physical or emotional?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"Charlie. Is he not okay physically or emotionally?"

"Oh..." Anne got as red as her hair that moment "Emotionally. Not okay emotionally."

"Oh shit... did you guys have a fight or something."

"We did." Anne couldn't look at Gilbert, she was staring at the shining, neon glow from the streets, pretty ironic if compared to the darkness that her mind stood at.

"Do you want to talk about the fight or only tell me what lit the fire up?"

"Tell you all. I'll tell you all." She breathed in deeply, not quite sure on how to tell Gilbert why Charlie was so mad at her, but then she focused on the neon lights outside the car, on the green hue that covered the humid streets and touched the cold car window, hoping the mix of urban beauties were to distract her mind and put her at ease. "He's jealous, you know."

"Oh, that's a tough one."

"And I don't think I'm making this any easier on him."

"Why'd you say that?"

"Cause he's jealous of you."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Should I..."

"No."

"You didn't even know what I was going to say, Anne."

"You were going to offer to drive me home." Her eyes were still stuck on the street, watching the light pass by, and her fingers were still stuck on the window, feeling the coldness warm up "And then, we were going to be really quiet all the way up there. You'd say that I should sort out my stuff with Charlie or that you and I should stop seeing each other, not alone at least."

".... I was." The car stopped in a red light and Anne looked at Gilbert, he was staring back at her.

"And that's why he's jealous." She didn't even blink "I know you in a way that I might never know Charlie and I don't know why. He's jealous because I can get in your brain and pick every single corner and crack in there, and I don't know what he's going to do, Blythe!" Old habits stay, she thought "If it were you, I know you'd shut me out and only talk to me when we both stopped being stubborn, but with Charlie I don't! With Charlie, I'm finding out his way of dealing with jealousy is shutting me out from people I care about, shutting me out from you!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Anne?"

"You wanted to know about the fight?"

"Yeah! I guess..."

"Okay. We fought because he thinks you and I have something. That was the start. And then we fought because I said we didn't. And then we argued because he doesn't trust me, because he doesn't like it when I go out with you but it's relieved when at least we're in a group! He left my apartment because I told him we were having dinner just us and I'm mad at him because he didn't say anything since." Anne had never looked so cold in her life, people had seen her mad but the times were few when she was this angry, when she didn't try to glitter the story with an adjective or two, when she was plain and straight.

Gilbert looked mad and took a harsh turn, leading us to the parking lot from the Thai place. The neon lights looked even brighter now, the window felt colder than the second just before and Gilbert didn't have a warmer look in his eye either.

"Charlie is a buddy of mine. Why..."

"It's jealousy, Blythe, haven't you ever felt that with Winnie?"

"...No. Have you ever felt that with Charlie."

"...No." They looked at each other and the ice in their veins soon melted with guilt.

"Does that mean that we are bad at dating or that they're jealous pricks?"

"I don't know."

"Does that mean that they love them and we don't?"

"I don't know."

"Does that mean it's a mistake?"

"Jesus fuck Gilbert Blythe, I don't know!" Anne broke down crying. Gilbert looked at her, he had no idea how that had happened. It all went so fast in his head it didn't even click to him that Anne was there and she was a real person, but when he heard her cry, it took less than a second for him to get back up again. He took her seatbelt off and pulled her closer, hugging her tightly. He could hear in her sights and sobs the confusion that was swirling inside of her. He stroke her hair and did not let her go for a while, until the sobs got softer and she could breathe again, then he backed away slowly.

"How about this." He started, putting her hair behind her ears and wiping away her tears "I go inside, get us both vegetarian pad thai, we eat it in the car and go get ice cream? Would that make you feel better?"

Anne nodded and Gilbert smiled like he had nothing to worry about. But he did. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know if Winnie was the girl he wanted to be with, he didn't know if he should talk to Charlie, he didn't know anything. In that moment, he only knew Anne had to be okay.