𝐭𝐦𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

𝐑𝐚𝐩𝐡 𝐱 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Requested by @EstherLeyba

Title: Love Letter

TW: Mentions of attempted suicide

I stood in the lair and stared at the turtles for what I thought was the last time. I was set on jumping off my apartment building that night, and nothing was going to stop me. Not even a crush on a certain hotheaded turtle. I just planned on leaving a note on his bed before he left and hoping he ran slower than I fell.

"(Y/n), wanna hang out with us tonight?" I tensed and crossed my arms, leaning on my side and pretended to think of something.

"Sorry, but I can't. I have to go home and help my parents with something later." I checked my phone and saw it was almost midnight, so I actually did have to leave soon. I gave everyone big hugs and made my way to the living room with Leo right behind me.

"Are you finally going to confess your giant crush on my brother?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and crossing his arms. I grinned nervously and nodded.

"But not in person; I'm too scared for that. I'm just going to put a note on his bed and leave. How does that sound?" I asked, hoping he would say yes. He thought for a few minutes, then sighed and nodded.

"Pen and paper?" I asked, making my way over to Raph's room with Leo right behind me. He grabbed some as we passed Mikey's room, so I slipped into the hothead's while Leo stood watch.

Dear Raphael,

Please don't come after me. I want to go to a better place, where I'm not hurting anymore. I ask that you don't feel bad if you didn't know. No one did. I was pretty good at hiding it, huh? Anyways, this isn't a suicide note, no. This is a confession. From me to you. I love you Raphael. Always have, and always will.

Goodbye,

(Y/n) (L/n)

I quickly folded the note and dropped it onto his bed, smiling at it for a second. A knock on the other side of the door got me moving away from the note and back into the living room, where I gave the turtles one more hug before I left.

"Bye, guys!" I shouted as I exited, grinning as I heard them respond. Walking back home, I had a chance to think. I contemplated if I was really doing the right thing, but quickly shook myself out of it and told myself this is what I wanted. Right? Right.

Before I knew it, I was back home and ready. Maybe. I quickly wrote my parents a letter and put it on their bed before making my way to the roof of my building. The bottom seemed so far down when I actually looked at it. 

Good, less of a chance of me surviving.

I was stepping up on the edge of the building when I heard it. Raphael. I could hear his hurried footsteps as he made his way up the building. Why? It was just me up here.

"(Y/n)!" I heard him scream behind me as I turned around and gave him a sad smile. He was standing in the middle of the rooftop, hands on his knees as he stared at me, panting and out of breath.

"Raph." I said gently as I took another small step backwards. Raph's eyes trailed over that small movement and I almost cried at how helpless he looked. He knew that if he took even one step towards me I would jump, but even if he left and took steps away, I would still leap. I was going to die either way.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me you love me back. I know you don't and that's okay. I accept it. But please know that you not loving me isn't what set me off. Tell the others I love them. Goodbye, Raphael." I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my ankle and looked down to see a small blade embedded in it.

What was happening?

"Raph?" I whimpered, holding my ankle as I stumbled away from the edge of the roof, falling to the cement top. He looked at me sadly and then made his way over, hauling me further away from the edge.

"I'm sorry, (y/n)." was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

++++++++++

"You did the right thing, Raph. Otherwise she would've died and you know that. You saved her life." I heard Donnie's voice as I struggled to get my eyes open.

"I know. Thanks, Don." a sigh and footsteps exited the room. Another sigh- Raph's- echoed through the room.

"Raph?" I asked as I forced my eyes open. He  hurried over to me and I began to dry sob, realizing what had happened.

"Why did you stop me? Why? I was going to jump but you stopped me! Why would you do that to me?" I shouted, sitting up and clawing at the sheets that were draped over my body. Raph looked as if he were going to yell back for a second, but instead closed his eyes and stopped, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"Because you don't want to die, (y/n). I know you and this isn't something you want." he gave me a sad look and I glared at him.

"How do you know what I want? Huh? You say you know me but you don't! If you did, you would've let me jump and you would know that that is what I want! You would know that I love you. That I've loved you since we first met, but you don't! You don't know the first thing about me." I finished bitterly and finally collapsed back, heaving and hiccuping as salty tears began their trip down my face.

"You're wrong. You don't wanna die because the girl I know would've wanted to live. You say you did, but I can guarantee there was a little bit of doubt in your mind. And as for me loving you, you should know that I always have."

"Then why didn't you-" I stopped and sobbed again. It didn't matter. He loved me. He loved me.

"I love you." he whispered, walking up to me and taking my hand. I squeezed his hand gently and smiled.

"I love you, too."

++++++++++

geez my grammar is atrocious how do yall read this