Answers Of My Heart (completed)

Chapter Twenty-two

chapter twenty-Two : ~Pain relief ~

Hey guys! I really hope you are enjoying this book. Please don't forget to Comment,vote, and share ! Also thank you for 750 reads <3. It means alot to see the amount of reads I have gain since the first chapter. One last thing I hope you like the new cover. Well, enjoy guys!

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    I felt a cool breeze approach my skin. My eyes still shut. The sounds of nothing but beeps coming from machines . I slowly moved my hand. My body still felt slightly weak but not as much as before . The cold breeze became stronger. It was a struggle to open my eyes. I took a deep breath , then open them each slowly.  Carefully searched my surroundings. I always seem to end up here. I kept still in my hospital bed. when I Looked at the clock, it was twelve thirty. there was a little draw next to the bed.  I opened it and saw my phone and head phones. I closed back the draw and laid down.

I felt so...empty. I feel as if the next movement my body attempts to do will be a complete struggle. I tossed and turned. Only to stay awake. Why am I so sad? Why do I have to feel painful feelings in my chest. All I could hear was the annoying beeps of machines. I slowly closed my eyes. Four years ago everything was at ease. I was starting to realize the true meaning of things. at only thirteen years old. I started losing people. That's when I was over coming my first rejection and heart break. I only had my dad as a parent. He was all I needed because I loved his effort.  Its crazy how adults think at thirteen school is just fake drama between girls and school work. Things is so much more than that. At thirteen girls usually started developing feeling they are not ready for. Growing these body parts that have them asking if its normal. well, some girls. Then we have those 'fast girls' who think boy are life, and the more body parts you show is better. In all honesty it's really not better. Trying to get these boys attention with your undeveloped body parts is not cute. Your seeking attention for a boy who like you for the wrong things. A boy is suppose to like you for your personality. Nope, it's crazy because where do you find boys like that anymore.

So much pain started at the end of me being thirteen. I understood what it felt like to want to die once. When you try to much to make everyone accept you. That feeling you get when you feel like no one understands you. Today I still feel that way honestly. There is so much pain I'm feeling. I told who ever I was able to talk to how I felt. No, not really. everyone thinks they know the pain I'm suffering is only because of Jake. Its way past that. I'm broken. There is pain that I been feeling lately that I wish could just go away. Feelings I don't known how to stop. there was days in school I use to develop tears in my eyes. but quickly rub them away. I have the urge everyday to cry. I'm scared to tell anyone how I feel. I don't want you to just say 'oh' or 'hm' when I tell you how I feel. I want you to hug me, just hug me.

I possibly said I'm fine about fifty times a day and actually never meant it once. Part of me hopes no one noticed. I never wanted to feel like this,whatever I'm feeling. I just felt like it's sometimes easier pretending I'm fine or don't care , than confessing it's actually killing  me. Overall I'm hurt. Not sure if I can ever get over this pain. I will just have to pretend.

A soft knock on the door pulled me from my depressing thoughts. I looked up and saw Jake. Tears in his eyes. He broke eye contact with me and stared at the floor. "May I come in" he asked. I could feel my heart beat fast like a machine gun. "Yeah" I replied. He pulled a chair and sat in front of me. still not ale to look I my eyes. I placed my hand on his cheek. "This is not your fault" I said trying to make him look at me. He put his hand on my handed placed on his cheek. "I can't help but feel like it is. All I have done is hurt you-" he started saying. I cut him off and lift his chin. "Look at me, please?" I asked. "I was the one who pushed u away. I kept everything away from you. T-tori, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no matter what I do I will hurt you"he said, finally looking in my eyes. His beautiful blue eyes regaining their light shade.