To belong || modern Newsies || Spralmer

Chapter 1

Emptiness. That was all that he felt. A big black hole right in his heart. It isn't that he doesn't love his boyfriends, but he had this feeling. Feeling a bit like an outcast in their relationship.
He laid there in the bed. Spot on his right side and Albert curled in his left. Race had left to go to the bathroom. Both of the boys that were beside him were sleeping peacefully.
They look so damn beautiful. Elmer thought as he went with one of his hands through Spot's hair. When Race was back he took Elmer's place and Elmer went to the bathroom. He didn't actually need to, but he was going crazy. He looked in the mirror right into his own eyes. There was no emotion but sadness and disgust. He hated himself.
"Why are you still here." He began talking to himself.
"They love you."
"No they don't. You are just another burden."
"No they don't think that."
"Yes they do." Without another word he had agreed with himself.

"Morning beautiful." Albert's voice startled Elmer. He hadn't noticed his boyfriend entering.
"Hello handsome." He whispered back while placing a kiss on the redhead's lips. He put on a fake smile. Just like he had done that whole month. He didn't want to be a burden to them.

-

"I'm gonna go for a walk. Wanna join me?" Race whispered into Elmer's ear. Elmer could feel arms wrap around him from the back.
"Why don't you take Spot and Albert. I wanted to clean the house, but with you three pigs in it it's never getting clean." Elmer leaned his head back so it could rest on Race's shoulder.
"Alright big bad wolf. We'll leave you to it. Just promise you will go walk with me tomorrow." Race chuckled and pressed a kiss on Elmer's cheek.
"Promise."
"Spottie, Albie. Let's go walking. Elmer just kicked us out so he can clean." Race grinned as he called for the other boys and started to head out. The other two stormed out quickly after.
"See you soon, babe." Spot said over his shoulder before closing the door.
See that they don't need you. His mind was telling him.
"Shut up." He said.
They'll be happier without you here. The voice wouldn't stop.
"Shut up!" He began yelling. A loud crash got him out of his thoughts. He had dropped the plate that he wanted to put into the dishwasher.
"DAMN IT!" He began yelling at himself.

Burden

You break everything

Can't do anything right

His mind was telling him things as Elmer stormed upstairs to the bedroom. He locked the door and sat against it with his knees to his chest and his head buried in his arms. Sobs began to escape his body.
"Why am I so pathetic." He whispered to himself. He tried to hold his breath to stop the cries from coming out but he failed non the less.
You can make an end to it you know. Elmer shook his head. He couldn't. Or maybe he could. He stood up carefully and stumbled to the bathroom and grabbed the razors that he had used that morning. He didn't dare look into the mirror, but when he accidentally did while walking out he broke into another sob while smashing the mirror. Blood was streaming down his hand, but he didn't care.
Pathetic. He walked towards the bedroom again and locked to door.
"Damnit." He looked at the clock that hung above the bed. It's been an hour since his boyfriends had left, which ment that they'd could be home every second. He heard the front door shut with a loud bang as if on que.
"Ellie?" He heard Albert say from downstairs. Elmer tried to hold back the sobs.
"Damnit Elmer!" He then heard Race yell. He had probably found the broken plate by then.
"Babe where are you?" Spot's voice sounded full of concern. Someone was walking up the stairs. A gasp sounded. The mirror.
"Elmer! Answer me please." Race's voice sounded desperate and was really close this time. Someone was trying to open the door, but couldn't.
"Honey, can you please let us in?" Albert's voice was soft. It made Elmer's sob escape and he couldn't do anything to stop it. There were all kinds of noises on the other side of the door, but Elmer's sobs made him deaf for everything that happened there.
Burden.
"No." Elmer said not to answer his boyfriend, but his own mind. However the boys didn't know this.
"Why not?" Spot's calm voice whispered from the other side of the door. Elmer didn't answer. The razor in his hand slowly moved up towards his arm. With a quick movement he made a cut. Blood pored slowly down his arm, but it wasn't much. He then cut one right under it and wanted to make another one, but was stopped by a hand taking away the razor. He looked up and noticed the open window. Damn the fire escape.
"Hey, Elmer, it's alright." Race whispered. He moved towards him so he could hug him or at least move him away from the door so he could let his other boyfriends in, but Elmer flinched away from the touch.
"Baby it's me." Tears were coming down from his eyes.
See how much of a burden you are! You make those you love cry.
Elmer quickly stood up and wanted to run out of the door forgetting his two other boyfriends who were on the other side.
"Hold him!" Race yelled. He was to slow to stop Elmer himself, but knew Spot and Albert could. Elmer tried to man-oeuvre around them, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. He struggled to break free, but it didn't work.
"Breath, baby, breath." Spot whispered in his ear. Albert grabbed his hand and placed in on his breast so they could breath together. Elmer struggled at first, but calmed down after a few minutes and fell unconscious in Spot's arms. He carried him bridal style to the bed and laid him down carefully.
"He looks so peaceful." Race whispered with tears in his eyes.
"Why don't you two lay with him, while I go clean up." Albert whispered and the two other boys nodded. They laid down and both wrapped their arms around the sleeping boy.
"We need to talk to him when he wakes." Spot whispered and Race nodded in return.
"And clean those cuts." Race added. Spot sighed.
"I just don't understand why he would do this to himself."
"Me neither, but we gotta help him. I don't wanna lose him." Race curled into Elmer's side a little more and wrapped Elmer's arm around himself to reassure him he was there with them and save.