The Truth Untold || J.Jk

44. Confession

I walked down the desolated and abandoned streets. Not a single soul to be found, everyone was dead. In the shadows, I found myself cast adrift in a land full of strangers.

The overcast skies. The gray opaque, misty layers of clouds and the thin empty breeze were all that I could feel right now besides the pain. The unending pain.

No one. I have no one by my side now, just the thought of it made me feel empty. My entire life I was lied to, from the beginning of my childhood till now. I was told and made believe that I had no parents, I rose up in a place full of strangers without any person to make me feel home, to make me feel sincere and individually loved. I did not even know my own name, my own identity. I was lost, lost in the stygian darkness.

The more I thought, the deeper the wound got.

My whole life was a lie, what's the point of it then?

I walked towards the vacant road lit by the dim lights, I going nowhere, just walking in a maze I knew nothing about except that in the end I would be much more hurt, my heart would be much weaker.

Moments later I found myself unknowingly drifting towards a bridge, gazing at the water below with great astonishment. How the leaden water flowing ever so gently was enough to swallow a living person without any hesitation or sympathy. Just like the creature known as human being. Though I was standing above the water I felt as if I had already drowned and my soul had been taken away from my body, numbing it.

I smiled as a tear ran down my cheek. Clutching onto the railing I slowly leaned down to look at the flowing lake.

Mother had abandoned me and father, father had abandoned me. At the end of the day I was denied by both of them, but why? What was my mistake? What did I do that was so wrong that I have to live but die like this. Why did you bring me to this world if you had to pretend like I was never there?

Why does no one care about my feelings, do they have no value? The Jeons hate me because my mother had ruined their family, I know it's an unforgivable sin but why am I being punished for this, why am I being hated for this when I never got to call her mother in the first place. Why did no one think it from my point of view and just did what satisfied them? Why do I have to live as a shadow, an illusion?

All these questions will forever be left unanswered in my heart, till the day I breathe in my last breath.

I finally glanced over at the water with a horrible thought.

Maybe, just maybe all the solutions to all the pain could be hiding in that deep water. Will I stop feeling all the disappointment if I can't feel at all? Can I just end it all and rest in peace, away from everyone, away from myself? Will everything become easier, can I run away from reality like that?

But then again I was scared, will I be able to forgive myself ever for this.

Tears streamed down my face as I was standing on a wire between life and death. What have I come to now, thinking whether I should commit suicide or not? How funny it would be to hear that Song Y/n died because of the person who gave her life.

A shaky breath escaped my mouth.

I am flying my white flag. I surrender.

Jungkook's POV

She left, right in front of my eyes.

What have I done to deserve this fate? The person that I adore the most turned out to be related to the cause of my broken childhood.

I really can't help it. As much as I just want to chase Y/n and tell her that I need her in my life I can't seem to keep aside that vulnerable part of me that shattered at the sudden loss of a dear person and promised myself to stay away from that darkness.

Sighing, I climbed up the stairs and entered my room hoping to lock myself up and shed some tears but that thought seemed to evaporate when my vision caught something reflective resting on my dressing table.

I inched closer to it only to have my heart crack at the sight. My shaky hands reached out for the pendant as my thought process stopped. Grasping the locket I stared at it in silence for a while. The scene of me giving it to Y/n under the pastel clouds which I cherish so much replayed in my mind.

But then

"But you have me by your side now and forever will." My own words rang in my hand as my grip around the pendant tightened. Tears welled up in my eyes as they were left wide open.

Realization hit me. What have I done?

I was willing to lose a person close to my heart for a person who is already lost, who has no value. For a person who, for the past few years, gave us nothing but pain. I was giving up on her.  How disgusting of a being I am, how self-centered.

There's no way I'm ruining my life for that beast. I charged downstairs with my heart hammering against my chest, clutching on to the necklace, hoping my Y/n to be fine. Just the thought of her being broken alone made me want to destroy everything.

"Where are you going?" A voice asked me as I was about to exit the house.

"Going back to the love of my life without being heartless like that man himself for whom I have pushed her away from me." I said without even looking back. Mother never protested cause she knew that no one could stop me now.

I ran around the street like a deranged person, eyes desperately searching for those beautiful brown eyes. Y/n where are you? Please tell me, I promise that I will not break my promise this time or ever, I will stay by your side forever. Just this time, please.

Tears blurred my vision as I saw no signs of her in the middle of the suffocating night. Please be fine, I chanted under my breath.

At last, being suffocated and feeling frustrated and guilty I hollered, my voice reaching every corner of the deserted road.

"Y/N!" Finally, the tears I had been holding back freely flowed down as I just ran without any aim, going insane. When I stopped, my eyes met a petrifying sight. My heart stopped as my blood cooled down.

Y/n, she was leaning over the edge of the bridge which led to nothing but straight death. My legs ran to her on their own, grabbing her arm as tightly as ever I pulled her into a hug. The sudden jerk causing me to stumble back.

As soon as Y/n came into my embrace she broke down into sobs while my entire body was shuddering in fear. What if I was late? What if I was just one minute late? Everything would be destroyed, everything. Would I ever be able to wake up in the morning without blaming myself, leave that, would I be able to live?

I wrapped my hands around her and brought her as close to me as I could.

"D-don't ever even think o-of that. I promise you don't have to be afraid." I stuttered, still stunned, not being able to erase what I just witnessed minutes ago. How far did all these incidents push her that she reached this decision?

"P-please don't l-leave me." She sobbed into my shirt causing me to feel terrible, she was shivering out of fear.

"I will not, not now not ever." I said connecting our foreheads. Tears were running down our cheeks in harmony.

"Will you still like me after all this Jungkook?" She asked, holding my hands that were cupping her face.

I will never make the same mistake I did before.

"Song Y/n, I don't care about who you are or where you're from, all I know is that you belong to my heart only and I love you." I finally confessed what I have bore in my heart for a long time now.

I'm never letting her go again.

Love can come from anywhere, all you can do is just accept it and not deny it. For instance, what I believe is,

When you're confused, love has already begun.

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