In the Absence of a Good Life

(15) Old Habits Die Hard

The Screw Up (A.K.A The Boy - Jimmy)

I discharged myself from hospital; I had so many things to think about and sort out. The thing that plagued my thoughts the most often was the short amount of time I had left to pay back the loan to Gus. It was vanishing at an alarming rate.

I didn't know Gus that well, but I knew his character enough to know that he would make good on his promise of 'serious consequences'. As much as I complained and moaned, I honestly didn't want to die.

The only way to stop this from happening was to somehow come up with £10,000 (probably with added interest) within the next two weeks. I'd already wasted two of the four I'd been given. The first week had been spent with me moping around my room, thinking that Gus would be lenient. I had thought that he wouldn't make good on his promise of breaking my legs or some other bad shit like that. Though, of course he had given me three extra weeks, and had upped the stakes. The 'bad shit' became worse. 

Of those three weeks, I had wasted yet another one in hospital for some stupid concussion that I'd given myself. How moronic could I be? Evidently, very.

I was walking home trying to think of a way to make it alive past the next two weeks. I had no idea how I was going to come up with the money. I was following my feet as they slapped against the pavement. I found myself walking straight past the turning to my flat, and instead, traveled along a path that I'd walked down so many times before.

I realised where the path would eventually take me, and I stopped. I inwardly kicked myself. Not today. I would not make my situation ANY worse. I resolved to turn around and go back the way I'd come to my home. Yet I found myself unable to do that. I stood still as the conflicting ideas and emotions battled out their differences in my head. Of course, there was always going to be only one victor. 

I continued on and began to come up with excuses for the inevitable. I decided that the only thing that could justify it would be that I was trying to solve my problems by making more money. It was a flawed excuse, but it was the best one I had.

I had £10 in my pocket, along with a few pennies and a screwed up tissue. Somehow, I had to make that into £10,000 without losing it all. I'd have to forget my preferences and the pleasure I received from playing a game with extremely high chances of losing big, and participate in a game that had a high percentage chance of me winning big.

My thought processes stopped as I stood outside the place that had ruined my life. Somehow, it would also become my saving grace. 

'Oi, lad! You gunna stand there all day?' One of the doormen yelled at me. Every time I saw a doorman, I couldn't help but compare them to Terrance. This man had nothing on him. Even I could win against him in a fight... but that wasn't why I was here.

'Fuck no!' I yelled back at him, and walked forward through the glitzy and glamorous rotating doors. I took one deep breath to inhale the musty and familiar scent in the air. I was home. I belonged here. No. I mustn't think like that. I was only here out of necessity. As soon as I had what I needed, I would go. 

I didn't make any promise to myself as I knew exactly what would happen deep down.

I placed one foot in front of the other to enter the busy life inside the building.

Again, the overwhelming sense of homeliness hit me and knocked all intelligent judgements and self-criticisms out of my head. This really was where I belonged, there was no use fighting it. The casino was my home.

One Half of the Comedy Duo (A.K.A The Sarcastic One - Shelly)

I opened the back door to my own grandiose home. I walked into the family lounge and lay down on the sofa. My back was literally killing me. After I'd walked away from the hospital with Terrance, we'd spent the day playing video games in his flat. The whole night had been full of aliens being shot down in 'Halo' and enemy soldiers being killed in 'Call of Duty' (my personal favourite). We'd intended to stay up the whole night just chilling, but our lack of sleep in the hospital had finally caught up with us. 

I ended up falling asleep on a settee with the springs sticking into my back. I had bites all over my legs from flees. Spending the night there was a stark contrast to spending the night in my own home. At least I could lie comfortably on the extra long sofa.

After a few hours of lounging around, not doing anything in particular, I heard the back door slam. I looked at the door to the lounge and saw Gus walking towards me. He came in and lifted my legs up from the end of the sofa. He then sat down and  changed the TV channel.

'I was watching that!' I said.

'Really? You were honestly watching 'Justin Bieber verses One Direction on the music channel?' He joked. He raised an eyebrow in my direction as he searched the TV for 'Dave'.

'Umm...yeah?' I lied. He Gus laughed at me, he knew how much I hated watching music channels, especially when Justin Bummer and One Erection were on. (I was very proud of those nicknames when I came up with them. Mel hated me for it so I constantly teased her with them.) 'Oh, Gus?'

'Yeah?' he asked with his eyes glued on a rerun of the 'Top Gear Vietnam Special' on 'Dave Ja Vu'.

'You know Jimmy's in hospital.' I stated. I wondered if he'd talked to the man who'd lent money to him. I knew he was in the (extremely dodgy and, not to mention, illegal) business. He probably had, seeing as he'd never broken a promise to me, or anyone else for that matter.

'Serves him right,' I gasped at this and poked Gus in the arm, '(ow) what did the little fucker do this time?' He asked.

'No idea, he's got concussion though.' I answered Gus, deciding to ignore the bored sound to his voice.

'Like I said, serves him right.' He said. He then added, as an afterthought, 'He's still alive though, right?'

'Naturally.'

'Good.'

The awkward pause that followed was broken by my phone buzzing. I picked it up to look at the text I'd received. It was Terrance - I'd given him my number last night.

'U seen Jimmy?' I read. I assumed that he mustn't have gone home last night.

'Hospital?' I sent back. I quickly received another text saying that Jimmy had discharged himself from the hospital yesterday. I frowned in confusion.

'Gus? You haven't seen Jimmy on your travels have you?' I asked my brother.

'No, why would I see him? I thought you said he was in hospital with a concussion. Wimp.' He replied.

I explained that he'd been discharged and hadn't gone home, that no one had seen him since yesterday.

'Wow, and I care why?' Gus said.

I didn't even grace the question with an answer.

My phone buzzed again. I read the text that I'd been sent.

'Nvr mind- I no exactly where he is. thx anyway' 

Well that was weird. I decided not to worry about it. Even though I was curious about the whereabouts of my cousin, I felt that I'd done enough prying in the past three days for roughly a week.

I'd just have to find out what had happened later...