Cold comfort

Surviving

I can still feel her hands around my neck
The way her hand would rise right before it would fall across my cheek
I can feel her fist hitting my ribs and her nails digging into my arm
Pure agony
Science says, that when you endure something long enough, your brain essentially rewires itself in order to survive the situation you're in
I was surviving
If barely
I would wake up before her and fall asleep after her because when she was asleep she was peaceful
I told myself she loved me in her own fucked up way
And told myself I loved her because she was there
But now I look back at all of the lies I told myself just to get by
And I remember the nights I would go to bed hungry
And the piercing screams that ran through my ears
How even my lightest mistakes would receive the heftiest   punishments
I was surviving
She was too apart of my routine to leave
But every part of me screamed for her to disappear
How could you love someone so much you let yourself down to make concessions for them?
She took something from me far greater than anything
She took me and she crushed everything that I was
So now
Im just surviving