The Heart Doctor

Forty-eight

Tahimik lang kami sa buong byahe. Hinayaan lang ako ni Deanna. Siguro pareho talaga kaming affected sa pag alis ni Bea, lalo't alam ko na nga ang totoong kondisyon nya.

So all those time, nilihim nila sa akin na may cancer si Bea. Kaya pala ganun kalala ang mga migraine nya pati ang napapadalas na pagkawala nya ng malay. It's not my specialization pero alam kong malalang klase yung meron siya. Tama nga ang kutob ko.

Would it also mean na yung panahong nasa ibang bansa siya was the time she tried na ikunsulta ito at ipagamot? Bakit hindi na lang niya sinabi ng nasamahan ko siya? Bakit kailangan niya pang ilihim sa akin? Kaya niya ba ako hiniwalayan kasi iniisip niya na mawawala na rin naman siya? And all those time okay lang kay Deanna? Kaya ba hindi siya nakipagkumpetensiya sa ate niya? Pinaglalaruan ba nila ako? Or baka yung tadhana ang sadyang mapaglaro?

Napakadaming katanungan sa aking isip. Hindi ko alam kung malalaman ko ba ang sagot sa mga ito. Mananatili na lang ba na palaisipan ang lahat ng ito?

Nanumbalik ang aking ulirat sa kasalukuyan ng biglang nagtanong si Deanna.

"I know what you found out is too much and I'm sure marami kang gustong itanong. I am more than willing to talk to you about it and help you understand things. Kinakabahan ako kasi hindi ka na nagsasalita simula ng umalis tayo sa airport and I feel guilty for not being honest with you. If okay lang sayo, let's go to my place maybe it can help you breathe?"

Nilingon ko siya kasi kahit na nagdradrive siya ay ramdam at kita ko ang pag aalala niya. Maybe she's right. I need to face this now. Ang dami ko ng bagay na dinelay and ang sakit sa puso at isip na magassume at pag isipan ang lahat ng ito ng mag isa.

"Okay." ang tangi kong nasagot.

It only took us few minutes or maybe because I was still engulf sa lahat ng iniisip ko when I realized Deanna is parking the car to her place na.

She helped me get off the car and we went inside.

Sobrang siyang maasikaso. Without asking me, she offered me drinks and cooked food for us.

Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya and admire how resilient, calm, and understanding she is about the whole situation. She's like a rock na kaya mong kapitan at sandalan na hindi matitibag.

We silently ate the food she cooked for us. Tapos ay tumambay kami sa sala habang pinagmamasdan ang magandang tanawin ng mga ulap at city scape. Still, avoiding pa din kaming pareho sa topic. Or maybe, she is waiting for me to open up.

Deanna was just silent sa tabi ko. Alam kong pinakikiramdaman niya ako. Alam ko din na she really wanted me to speak up pero sadyang hindi ko lang talaga alam what to say.

There is no reason naman na to hide or supress my emotions, so I leaned to her shoulders, she automatically welcomed me with her open arms. Honestly, her hug makes me feel so good. I feel na wala ng ibang makakapagpagaan ng loob ko ngayon kundi ang makasama siya.

We stayed like that for a bit, until she finally started the conversation.

"I know you are still shocked about what you found out. I know it's too much to take in. I swear I wanted to tell you matagal na but I just can't do it because ate Bei doesn't want to give you more reasons to stay with her. I'm sorry, Jema. I know, we talked about sharing what we'll find out about Bei dati. I hope you can forgive me."