Someone to trust (Books of the beginning fanfic)

Chapter 40-Go see your family

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Micheal's pov
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Every emotion I felt was either regret or sadness or pure anger towards myself for being this stupid. I had hurt my sisters, my family, the only people that were there at any time in my life, caring for me, supporting me, annoyingly teasing me... loving me. And by the spur of one moment, I had claimed that I wanted to give that all up. To leave them on their own and in my own words, never look back. I had simply hidden myself, the only survival strategy I knew worked. At least it had worked against bullies, sisters even Emma. But this... this whole complex situation that I caused, it was different, I didn't know if I could hide from it. 

I couldn't even in my own head. It was all I thought about. I couldn't even resite a dwarf song without my conscience screaming at me. And yet through all that, I didn't even know if I had made the wrong decision. It would either have been this or causing that amount of pain and disappointment for Wilamena. I didn't want to abandon her either or lose her to some prince in Australia that didn't care for her. I wished that I could take all that pain and just give it to myself instead of the ones I loved. I wished I could simply have both love and family. 

But life hadn't been generous to our family. And over this difficult time, I was starting to understand my older sister who had faced the same misery as I did now. She had to choose between the one she loved and us. And in the end, she had chosen us. But she had felt regret, time and time again. Even if she wouldn't necessarily change her decision, because she knew, just as I did now, that there was no winning in this case. You would hurt someone you cared about and yourself no matter your decision.

These thoughts spooked through my head as I was crammed under the stairs in a broom closet, hearing people walk on the stairs above me. I heard a knock on the door to the broom closet. I wasn't angry enough to shout at them to go away but not ready enough to see someone and tell them to come in. So I just stayed silent and left the choice to the person standing outside. Clearly hesitant, a hand pushed down the handle and pushed the door open. I didn't even have to look up to know who stood in the doorway. I buried my head deeper between my arms and legs as if that would make me and my misery invisible. Of course, it didn't so a pair of blue eyes swiftly found me crouched down amongst boxes, junk and cleaning supplies. 

"Micheal," a soft voice called out. I didn't respond. A sigh erupted from her as the elf sat down beside me. "You feel bad, don't you?" I did, but my voice wouldn't work, I kept it to myself. Not that I needed to confirm it, she already knew.  "I do too," she confessed. "For years and years, when I was still trapped in the body of a dragon..."

I didn't know why she started talking about this, but I knew it was important for both me and her. Against my defeated body's wishes, I pulled my head up so that my ears weren't blocked by my arms and I could properly listen to her. "... I dreamed of being with my father. We had always been so close and back then I couldn't even imagine that he could possibly be wrong. We had talked about plans for my... marriage before I had been captured. And I remember being so excited about it, I thought that that would be the greatest joy in my life, exactly the way my father had described it. All I wanted was my father, my prince and to lead my people." 

She sighed again, clearly, this wasn't easy for her to talk about. "With that image close to my heart I spend ages in that rotten cave. But then you came along... At first, I saw you as nothing than a bunny, cute, a creature I would love to hold once, but nothing to commit to. And yet, how brave you were when standing up against me to save your sister and how smart you were to cut the bracelet instead of injuring me... that dream I had of a prince faded. And as time went on, the rest of that dream faded too. Leaving me only with the wish to spend my life close to you. Yet I still feel guilty for choosing my heart's desire overly duty as a princess. Is my dream really as good as I hope it is if it hurts my father and subjects? I feel lost, Micheal. And I don't want you to rip your family apart just to make my wish come true. And yet that's what I did. I pressured you and now you feel awful because of it."