what the heart wants

Chapter 17: You're just a small bump

    I could hear a machine beeping. I forced my eyes to open. I looked around. I was in a plain white room. There were machines around me, some connected to me. I tried to sit up but pain shot through my abdomen. What happened? I felt something soft by my hand. I looked over and found someone sleeping their short hair brushing my fingers. I would recognize that head of hair anywhere. I slowly reached over to his head. His head quickly snapped up. I looked at him shocked. James looked exhausted. His eyes were red and he had dark shadows under them. His hair was messy and looked like he’d been running his hand through it several times. I wasn’t sure how much time I’d been here. James was wearing the same clothes he was the last time I saw him. But they looked wrinkled and slept in.
    Then I remembered, I had fainted and fallen down the stairs. That’s why I was in pain.
    “Mili,” James said as he gently caressed my face.
    “James, what…..what happened?” I asked. James pulled away and he quickly stood up.
    “Why did you lie to me Mili?” James asked. I sighed.
    “I told you already James I didn’t lie,” I said. Were we really having this discussion right now? I was in the hospital for crying out loud!
    “Mili, it’s okay. I know the truth.”
    “James, your mom lied.”
    “And you’re still going to deny it?”
    “I am not, nor was I ever, with Ron,” I replied. James ran a hand through his hair.
    “That’s what he said,” James said looking confused. Then he looked over to me, looking furious.
    “Then why don’t you believe me?” I asked.
    “It was Will’s, was’t it?” James asked.
    “What? I’m not with Will. James, do you think I slept around or something?”
    “So it was Ron. That’s why he’s so fucking worried.”
    “You’re not making any sense James.”
    “You were carrying Ron’s baby.”
    “What? No. James, look at me.” He did. “I’m not with Ron okay? I never was. All I can see him is as a friend. And also, I’m not pregnant James. I’m not having anyone’s baby.” James froze. His eyes grew wide and then pain was etched on his face.
    “James?” I asked feeling worried.
    “No,” James said as his eyes grew watery.
    “James, what’s wrong?” I asked feeling worried.
    “Mili!” My mom yelled as she burst into the room. She looked over to James and then over to me.
    “Mom?” I said. How long had I been out for?
    “Oh Mili, I am so sorry about everything. I am so sorry,” she said as she cried.
    “Mom, are you okay?” I asked. I looked to James, who was leaning on the wall, looking at nothing. What was going on? Was I sicker than I felt?
    The door opened and a doctor and nurse came into the room.
    “Mildred Pace?” The doctor asked. I nodded.
    “That’s me,” I replied. The doctor looked at some paperwork then stepped over to me.
    “The test results came back form pathology. And though your fall did cause some trauma, you actually had an infection that was attacking the fetus so without the proper care, this was inevitable,” the doctor said. I sat up. The pain in my lower abdomen making sense.
    “I’m pregnant?” I asked.
    “You were 13 weeks pregnant, you had a miscarriage.”

    I could hear their voices, they thought I was asleep, but I could hear them. I had my back turned to them. The blinds in my room were closed and now all I had connected to me was an IV drip, which they were going to take off soon. I had been in the hospital for nearly a week and they were finally releasing me.
    “…she’s going with me,” said one of the voices.
    “No she’s not. She belongs with me,” said another.
    “A few days ago you doubted her. You didn’t believe in her and now suddenly she belongs to you?” The first voice said.
    “No offense, but you weren’t any better,” the other voice replied.
    “She is my daughter. I do know better,” my mom said sounding angry. There was a knock on the door and then footsteps were heard.
    “Morning,” my mom mumbled.
    “Morning Mrs. Pace,” the new voice said. I heard feet shuffling and someone appeared in front of me.
    “Good morning Mili, how are you feeling?” She asked. I continued to look at the spot on the wall that currently had my attention. I could feel her looking at me.
    “Mili, I need you to sit up for a bit while I run some tests, and then the doctor will come in and you’ll be able to go home,” she said. I managed to nod. I slowly began to sit up. I felt a pair of sturdy arms around me and help me sit up. The bed was moved up so I could lean on it while sitting up. The nurse placed something on my finger and ran something across my forehead.
    “When will the doctor stop by?” My mom asked.
    “I’m not sure on the exact time, but I know he will soon,” the nurse replied.
    “How you feeling Mili?” Said another voice. I felt their hand gently caress my head. I glanced over and saw James. He looked tired and his hair was still a little wet from his shower. I looked away and back to the nurse. She was frowning a little.
    “Mili, on a scale one one to ten, how is your pain?” The nurse asked. I looked to her then down at my hands. “Mili?” The nurse repeated. Why couldn’t they leave me alone? I heard the nurse sigh. “The doctor ordered a psych consult. We just want her to be checked a little before she is discharged,” the nurse said.
    “A psych consult?” My mom repeated. The nurse nodded.
    “Why?” James asked. The nurse looked to me then stepped closer to my mother and James.    
    “I’ll have the doctor come and discuss it with you both,” the nurse said. The two nodded.
    “If you need anything let me know Mili,” the nurse said as she gently squeezed my foot then walked out of the room.
    “Mili? Mili, you need to talk to us,” my mom said. I stared at the wall in front of me. There was a knock on the door. And then I heard voices.
    “Hi Mili,” Rosa said as she walked in with Judy in her arms and Tim walking close behind her.
    “Rosa, we talked about this,” my mom said. Rosa looked at my mom then over to me.
    “The kids wanted to see her and I think it’d do her some good,” Rosa said. She walked closer to me with a sad smile.
    “She gets to leave today,” Rosa told Judy.
    “Are you feeling better Mili?” Judy asked. I nodded. Judy smiled and I smiled a little at her.
    “Mrs. Pace, Nurse Amy told me you had a few questions,” the doctor said. My mom nodded.
    “I do. Do you think she should be released already? Maybe another day will help,” my mom said. The doctor looked to me then back to my mom.
    “Let’s discuss this outside,” the doctor said.
    “I’m coming,” James said. The doctor nodded.
    “Can I?” Rosa asked. My mom nodded.
    “Stay here with Mili okay? Watch over her for me,” Rosa said. She sent me a small smile and placed Judy on the bed. She then quickly walked out with my mom and James.
    “Are you done being sick Mili?” Tim asked. I smiled.
    “Yes, I’m done being sick,” I said in a hoarse voice. I cleared my throat and wrapped my arm around Judy.
    “Can I sit on the bed too?” Tim asked. I smiled.
    “Of course!” I said. Tim quickly climbed on.
    “What are you watching?” He asked as he looked up at the TV. I did too, and to be honest I wasn’t sure what I was watching.
    “I don’t know. Let’s look for something better,” I said as I changed the channel and Tim and Judy wrapped their little arms around me.