Harry Styles Imagines/Blurbs

Sometimes It Still Hurts

I brushed my fingers over hers, trying to memorize the feeling of her skin. Just like usual, her hands were cold. Maybe it was dumb, but it made me smile. But, my smile quickly turned sour as I remembered that soon her hands wouldn't be mine to warm. Soon all of the little things I knew and loved about her would just be useless facts about a stranger. And that hurt.

All through dinner I tried to seem as normal as I could-- I wanted this one last memory with her. Maybe it wasn't fair, but I couldn't help it. I didn't think I'd ever stop loving her.

"Alright, what's up?" she smiled kindly across from me.

"Hmm?" I asked, looking up from our hands folded on the table.

"Something's up. What is it?" she raised her eyebrows. That look-- oh, I'd miss that look. She could read me like a book.

I sighed a sad smile, looking back to our hands and softly fidgeting with her fingers. I think it made her nervous.

"Harry..." she started, her brows showing a hint of confusion.

Finally I looked back up at her, involuntarily biting my lip as I thought about what I was about to say. I didn't want to do it, I don't think I'll ever have wished for it. But I had to. For me. For her.

"It's time."

And without any other explanation, she knew. She always did with me. Her back straightened as she carefully pulled her hand from mine. The simple act made it feel like she was ripping my heart right along with it. Her jaw locked as she swallowed, processing what was happening.

Slowly she nodded her head. "Okay..." She was clearly fighting a few stinging tears, and when she realized I saw them, she gave a sad smile and sniffed.

"Are you okay?" I asked, honestly concerned, but what a stupid question. Here I was breaking up with her and I asked if she was okay.

This time she nodded quickly. "Yes, yeah.. I'll be alright Haz. I'll be alright." Her face showed a different story, but I knew she would be. She always was.

I reached for her hand again, wanting to comfort, but she pulled back. Just like that, everything that had once been mine was shrouded again. It'd taken me so long to really get to know her, to build her trust, and in an instant, it was all gone. My heart felt like it weighed three times too much.

"This has... this has been great," she stuttered, "I've learned so much and-- and you've helped me become a better person. Thank you."

How was it that seemingly out of nowhere I was breaking up with her and she was thanking me for it? Such a beautiful person, a beautiful soul. And yet I knew it couldn't be mine, at least not forever. I think we both knew that really. Sometimes, looking back, I think maybe she'd started expecting-- or anticipating, really-- our break up since the day we started dating. It'd always made me sad because I wanted her to trust me implicitly, but I guess it turned out she was right.

"I think I-- I..." she started, but had to stop to swallow a few tears back. I knew how much she hated crying in public, so she'd do what she had to to avoid it. She smiled, standing. "I think I better head home."

"Are you sur--" I tried to ask, but she cut me off.

"Yeah, yeah. It's fine," she nodded, giving another smile that did me more harm than good. I hated to see her so hurt, hated to see how gracefully she was handling it. Because, well, it just confirmed to me again all that I was losing.

I stood quickly, reaching a gentle hand out to her elbow. "We can talk about it if you--" I tried again, but her head shook quickly to the side with eyes shut hard. I knew her simple gesture was a plea for me to let her go. She needed time, needed to be alone. My hand slowly pulled back as I watched her turn and quickly find the exit. Just like that, I was on my own again.