Suicide Help

A new lease on life

I know it's been a while since I wrote in this book. I have been dealing with a lot. I am helping a relative renovate his house and I am packing to move again. Plus growing a tiny human takes a toll on someone. All tho I am experiencing a lot of change it hasn't changed how I view myself. While becoming a mother is something I have always wanted and I am excited about I still deal with my depression. My moods are ever-changing and they bring me up real high then drop way off. I am stressed and in pain constantly but I have no one to talk to about it. When you feel like a bother and that no one wants to hear about your issues you feel alone and better off dead. Now I know someone might say I don't have a reason to be depressed and that I am just being dramatic, that's not that case. I am in another state at the moment away from my sweet loving husband. He is working on fixing up our place and is constantly busy. He is excited to be a father and he checks in with me when he can. 

Some of my family thinks that my being pregnant is only making my life harder. While some are excited for me and my husband. I try not to let the negative thoughts win but somedays they do and it sucks. I have spent the majority of this week in my bed sleeping and not eating like I should. My husband worries about me and I hide how I truly feel from him. If he knew how dark my thoughts got he would drop everything and come running to me. 

My advice to all of you is that if you feel so low you are contemplating hurting yourself or doing something drastic then message me. I may be in a storm right now but I will always be your light in the darkness.