Billie Eilish Fluff And Smut

Self-harm

⚠️*TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM*⚠️

In this story, y/n is Billie's 14 year old sister. (read Emergency, Help!! first).

y/n pov 

It was a calm Friday evening. A light drizzle was present. 

I was home alone. Billie was out with her friends for dinner and won't be home anytime soon. Our parents work late on Fridays and will only be home at around midnight.

I sat on my bed just thinking and thinking. Tears started to well up in my eyes the more I thought. Lately I've been very stressed about everything that's happening in school. A lot of homework, dealing with Billie Eilish fans... Almost everyone in school is a fan of my sister so I get a lot of questions about my sister. Or a lot of hate saying that I was an accident or a failed abortion. And that Billie should be the only child. And I'm only making my family poorer. And that I'm ugly.

Although I know I shouldn't let it bother me and I should just ignore them, I still think about it a lot and too much. I don't wanna go to school anymore. I hate the attention. Absolutely hate it. Ugh! I don't have many friends coz who would want somebody obsessed with their sister as their friend. The more I thought, the more I cried.

 I have been getting throbbing headaches and suicidal thoughts. I threw up many times every night due to the stress and anxiety of what's gonna happen the next day. I decided to keep it a secret so I don't worry my parents or Billie. I regret not telling Billie what's going on earlier. She could have made me feel better like she always does. Now it's just too late to stop me. I just needed some rest. I wish I wasn't who I was. I don't wanna live anymore. I'm sick and tired of this never ending cycle. It was simply too much for my 14-year old mind to handle. I needed to do something about it. At first it seemed like a stubborn idea. But it was the only way out. Or at least I thought...

I walked to my desk and pulled open a drawer where I kept my art supplies and pulled out a pen knife. I walked into billie and I's shared toilet. I leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down the wall until I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I just let my feelings take over. I held the pen knife over the skin of my forearm before bringing it down and sliding it across my skin. I slit cuts across my fore arm a couple of times before going deeper and harder. I didn't care if I get any infections, I needed the pain. The pain was stinging but rewarding at the same time. I couldn't see what I was doing as my vision was too foggy with my tears. I felt each drip of tear rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I wiped my tears and looked down on my arm to see crimson blood oozing out of the cuts I made. Beside me was a small puddle of blood. I kept telling myself that this was what I wanted.

I dropped the penknife on the bathroom floor as I felt lightheaded and nauseous from the blood lost. I heard the sound of the door opening. Shit! I thought Billie was gonna come home later. I didn't lock the bathroom door and it was too late, I was too lightheaded to get up and lock it. My sister can't see me like this! I lifted my knees to my chest, hugged them and buried my face, crying even more. 

I heard billie's footsteps getting louder. "Y/n?! I'm homeeeee!" She shouted happily. I felt bad for what she was gonna see. I prayed in my head that she won't come find me. "Where are you?" She said, raising her voice. Concerned was laced in her voice as I didn't answer her. I was motionless. I couldn't say anything. She walked towards the bathroom and I heard her pushing the door open.

bil's pov 

I pushed the door open to see my sister sitting on the bathroom floor, face buried in her clothes. She was clearly sobbing. I was shocked at what I saw. I saw the penknife beside her and I knew exactly what she did. It was a mix of worry, shock and speechlessness. I would never think my sister would do this. "W-why did you d-do this to yourself?" I asked, not able to speak properly, my voice was shaky and words wobbled. She didn't answer me. I walked up to her and kneeled beside her. "Pancake, look at me, I'm here!" I said, tears welling up in my eyes as I called her how I use to when she was younger. My heart aches seeing her like this. I put my hands on her cheeks and tilt her head up so she's looking at me. "Let me see your arm." I lifted her left arm. The sight was simply shocking. "W-why?!" I asked. She shook her head in response. I pulled her into a hug. She buried her head into my chest, her sobs getting softer.

y/n pov 

I didn't know what to tell her. 

Suddenly, a huge wave or nausea hit me and I pulled away from the embrace, turned around and threw up into the toilet bowl. Billie held my hair up so I won't dirty it. At first I didn't want her here but now I'm so thankful that she was here. I finished throwing up and Billie said, "Let's get your wounds cleaned and then we need to talk, Pancake." I loved how she called me 'Pancake'. She would always call me that when we were younger, I missed it. I missed the old days when I was so care-free, happy and Billie wasn't famous yet. I missed it a lot. Now it seemed like everything has changed except for our never-ending love for each other.

Billie opened the cabinet beneath the sink and took out the first aid box. Billie asked me to wash my arm first. She then opened the box and pulled out an anti-bacterial cream and applied it on me. "Sorry" I muttered under my breath, barely audible. "You don't have to be, I was at this state of mind once. I understand." She explained. I felt loved. I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt better. I love my sister.

bil's pov 

No wonder she was so quiet this month. I missed the way we talk, laughed and smiled. I regret not talking to her about it earlier, I could have prevented this from happening. I knew something was wrong from the start. I felt like a bad sister for ignoring her when she needed me the most. I also wonder why she didn't tell me about what she was feeling. She would always tell me when she didn't feel right.

I cleaned up the blood on the floor and told her to change the clothes as they were stained with blood. She changed and I pulled her into her room. "Sit" I said, patting her bed she plopped onto her bed and I sat next to her. I told her to tell me everything. She started explaining everything, school, headaches, stress, throwing up, anxiety. I was very worried for her mental health. The fact that she thinks causing herself physical pain can take over mental pain was horrible.

 I told her how I would always be there for her if she needed anything. I explained how I did the same thing when I was the exact same age as her. 

After talking to her, she asked me, "Billie, will you sleep with me tonight?".

"Of course, my sweet Pancake!" I replied, smiling because she felt better. I got changed and we slept early, at 8-ish. 

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Someone gotta help us with endings. They really suck. 

Hope u enjoyed.

Open for Suggestions/requests. Will credit if we use your idea/request. :)