One Maniac at a Time

Out Of Control

Tara POV

I saw Violet and Dad sitting next to my bed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You had a panic attack." Dad said.  I looked at him, I felt like sleeping for centuries wouldn't end my exhaustion.

"C'mon let's go for a walk." He said helping me out of bed.  I snuck a quick glance at violet.

"Later." She mouthed.   Dad and I walked down the hallway.

"How's Bronx?" I asked.  

"He's good, Ashlee took him for the day." He told me.  I nodded calmly.  

"Meagan sends her love." He said.

"I miss her, and it's only been a day but feels like eternity." I said blankly.

"Tara, why didn't you tell me about the fans?" He asked me, my heart sunk, I had been hoping to avoid this conversation.

"I just didn't want you to worry." I told him.

"Hey you're the most important fan I have.  I don't need them, just you." He said smiling.  I hugged him.  I was crying a little, I didn't know why.  He hugged me back.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay I promise." He whispered.  

"I met mom." I whispered.

"I know, I saw her at that point too." He said.

"You didn't tell me she was so pretty." I said.  He laughed at me.

"Well, I thought you could deduce you didn't get your looks from me." He pointed out.

"Nonsense." I said.

"Okay, maybe just a little." He declared.  We stood in an awkward silence.

"I don't know what to say to you, you're my daughter, you're going through stuff I've delt with this, why can't I just hug you and make all the bad things go away?" He asked me.

"You know why, the bad things are inside me, you know, and it's okay to be confused." I told him.  He looked heart borken.

"I, I wish-You don't deserve this." He whispered.

"I will come out I think, but I just don't know about right now." I said.

"I love you so much." He pulled me into a hug.

"I love you too." I replied.  I felt so awkward,

"so I'll see you when I get out of here." I told him.

"What about tomorrow and after that?" he asked.

"I need time to heal on my own, but the support is appreciated." I told him.

"Alright, but remember I love you." He said before giving me one last kiss goodbye.I watched him leave.  Now to go back to violet.

Violet's POV

Dr. Sanders always gave me a creepy look everytime I walk past him.  I was worried about what he might do to Tara.  No, she will leave here unscathed.  I wonder why beautiful people like her are in pain, or get hate.  I can't stop thinking about her, she's all I have on my mind, nothing else.  Maybe I'm starting to become happy, but it feels so wrong to be happy.  My mind is driving me crazy.  It hurts.  Oh great, group therapy time.  I walk into the TV room, taking a seat in the circle of hell as I call it, Tara plops down next to me.

"Hey." She says smiling.

"Hellooooooooooooooooooo." I reply.

"Ready?" She asks.

"It will end so we will cary on." I reply.

"We'll cary onnnnnn..." She starts to sing.

"No, Black Parade makes me cry!" I pretend cry.

"Aw, Vi, you're too pretty to cry." She says.  I laugh.  just then Dr. Sanders decides to begin the group session.  We all sit.

"So who would like to start us off today?" Ha asks.  

"I will." Whispered this guy named Will, he's pretty cool.  Shy, depressed, anxious, and also cuts himself, all of us cut.

"Great, so how are you feeling?" Dr. Sanders asks.

"Depressed, I'm always depressed, don't you see that never changes.  I am in this never ending pool of depression.   I don't deserve happiness." Will looked down instantly.  

"Now, Will that won't help you get better.  you need a positive attitiude, look up.  It isn't always bad." Dr. Sanders said.  Wow.  Shit adivce much?  Like incredibly horrible advice there buddy.

"So anyone else like to share?" He asked the group.  And no one said anything before he started picking on people.

"Annie." He essentially commanded the girl to speak.  She had Anorexia.

"I don't like food it tastes bad." She said.

"But you need it to live." He pointed out.

"What if I don't want to live?" She asked.

"Why wouldn't you want to live?" He asked.

"Um, seeing how newbie over tried to kill herself, what 36 hours ago, and Vi over here had ried more times than anyone knows, Will probably will cut too deep, I will starve to death, Kira will eat herself to death, Julian will do something stupid and wind up dying I think it's justified.  Should I continue and name the rest of your death causes?" She asked.  I was crying, Tara was crying.  Will had gone into a ball on the ground.  We were out of control.

"I think that's enough for today." Dr. Sanders said getting up as nurses came rushing in to clean up Annie's train wreck.  I could think, it hurt too much.  Tara couldn't calm down, I couldn't calm down.  Nurses cooed around us, telling us it was alright, dumbfucks.  They weren't helping us.  No one was helping us, only hurting.  Eventually we had cried through dinner and wound up taking some extra strong sleep meds.  Clearly they knew it would be a rough night.

Pete's POV

She just needs time to heal, come one breathe Pete.  Gah I wish Tara wasn't pushing me away, but I guess sometimes we all need to cool off.  I had been talking to Brendon about touring and such.  They were thinking about getting back in the studio soon, but maybe not till 2013.  I could live with that, thing were a little crazy at the moment.  Meagan came home at last.

"Hey babe." She said kissing my neck.  She smelt like vanilla.

"Hey." I said smiling turning around and snaking my arms around her waist.

"How's T doing?" She asked looking me straight in the eyes.

"Pretty well I guess, she says she needs time to get better on her own.  I just worry a lot about her, you know my first born and all." I said.

"Hey, it's okay, she's a fighter, and a beautiful person, she'll get there." Meagan said, this is one of the many reasons I love her. Ashlee had some stupid attention issues with Tara, she felt over shadowed, now they get along fine, but it was never oretty, Tara and her got ito a fight and I couldn't choose Ashlee, it had to be my daughter first.  Meagan on the other hands respects her for what she is.  She doesn't push her over the edge or anything like that.  It's one of the many things I love about her.

"Oh yeah also already ordered us pizza for dinner." Meagan said happily.

"YOU ARE A GODDESS AND WILL BE REWARDED!" I proclaimed sweeping her up bridal style and carrying her up to my room.  Good times, good times.

Tara's POV

My mind is all fuzzy, no hard edges or reality.  Whatever they gave us tonight should've been stronger.  It alomst knocked me out which is slightly impressive.  I mean I'm all for sleeping drugs if they work.  Otherwise it's just painful.   

"Violet?" I whispered.  Silence, I guess it's just me and my thoughts tonight.

A/N

Okay guys, so I actually really can't tell if you are enjoying this or hate it.  Please comment, thank you for all the reads and votes.  Keep being awesome :)