sunshine || JUNG HOSEOK

20//"I think you just need to take a chance, Ji Eun."//

Ji Eun stretched as she slowly started to wake up. She rubbed her eyes before opening them and looking up to the ceiling. The events of the night before didn't take long to come streaming back into her thoughts, no matter how much she wanted them to stay away.

Ji Eun was so angry with herself, she knew she was in the wrong. She knew that she needed to be the one that fixed this. She just didn't know how she was supposed to do that. As Ji Eun laid in her bed she could feel more tears welling in her eyes. She quickly looked up, she didn't want to cry anymore her eyes were already swollen from the night before. She wasn't sure how she even had enough water in her body to account for the amount of tears she has shed in the last twelve hours.

After a much needed shower and a few more tears Ji Eun made her way downstairs where she heard her mother clanging things in the kitchen. She smiled knowing that her mother was making her breakfast even though she was up with her last night. She loved her mother with everything in her and couldn't appreciate the woman she looked up to more.

"Hey Eomma." Ji Eun sat up on the counter next to her mother.

"Get off the counter, I'm trying to cook." Eun Ae shooed Ji Eun with a flick of her hand. "Hello, how are you feeling this morning?"

Ji Eun jumped down and sat in a chair at the island. "Do I really have to answer that?" She sighed.

"Yes, you do."

"Fine, I feel like crap. My eyes hurt and my brain hurts and my heart hurts. I hurt Hoseok I know I did and I don't know if I can fix it."

"You can always fix it." Eun Ae looked at her daughter. "Tell me what happened. Seoyeon gave me the broad strokes but I want you to tell me everything. Go through the night no matter how hard it is and tell me exactly how you felt in each moment."

"Okay...Hoseok asked if we could meet up and of course I said yes I hadn't seen him in a while and missed him. So at 7 Hoseok came here and he picked me up and I was really happy to be with him, but he seemed a little off? I guess. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was. He was so convincing too but now I know that he wasn't okay.

"Once we got to his apartment we just talked and things were going great. I was having an amazing time, everything seemed normal. But the conversation simpered out and I asked Hoseok what he wanted to do and then he just got so serious. I felt confused at this point. I didn't know what was happening. And then he started asking me questions."

"What questions?" Eun Ae asked quietly.

"Like he asked how long we had known each other and how much I knew about him and then he said that in all this time he hadn't really learned that much about me." Ji Eun was crying again by this point.

"That's when I knew what was happening and I just felt fear start to creep up all the way through my body. He looked me in the eyes with so much desperation and asked me why, why hadn't I told him about me. And I wanted to answer I did but all the fear and anxiety just started to engulf my whole being I started to cry and I just stared into his eyes not being able to answer, all I got out was 'I can't do this' and then I just ran."

Ji Eun laid her head down in her arms as she cried for the second time this morning. "I'm such an idiot. I want him to know about me."

"Sweetie, look at me." Eun Ae set her hand on Ji Eun's arm. "I said look at me." Ji Eun finally lifted her head and set her chin down on her arms, looking at her mother tears still flowing. Eun Ae takes her thumb and wipes a tear away from her daughter's cheek.

"Can you tell me why you felt that fear?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do know Ji Eun and saying it out loud will help."

"Because I'm scared that he will leave just like Appa, or he will hurt me like Kosuke." Ji Eun sighed.

"Is Hoseok your father? Is Hoseok Kosuke?"

"No, he is not either of them. He's actually nothing like them."

"So is it fair of you to compare him to them?"

"No it's not fair of me at all." Ji Eun put her face back into her arms and growled.

"I need you to look up at me Ji Eun." Ji Eun lifted her head back up. "Look me in the eyes." Ji Eun did as he was told. "Tell me truthfully if you think Hoseok will hurt you?"

"Well there's always that poss-"

"No, that's not what I asked you, it's a yes or no answer."

"No, I do not think that Hoseok will hurt me." Ji Eun said with determination.

"I think you just need to take a chance, Ji Eun. Doesn't Hoseok deserve that? And if things do end up bad you have me, Seoyeon, and Boyoung to lean on, although I have a very good feeling that things won't."

Ji Eun lifted her head and slowly started to nod, "You're right, Eomma. I-I need to go see Hoseok." Ji Eun quickly stood up and looked at her mother. "I'll text you. I don't know when I'll be home."

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okay so the book is kinda coming to an end and that makes me have hecka sad boi hours but that means i have more time to work on.....
other projects. 😏😉

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