Rekindled

Chapter 8

Gratitude fills my soul at the knowledge of Brad watching out for me. Knowing that he is here to keep me safe, helps bring peace of mind to my racing thoughts. I force my eyes away from him, and do my best to focus on Rick. If he knew Brad was here, who knows what he would do. Rick places my hands in his from across the table. I find myself wanting to pull way, and my body stiffens. Rick senses my resistance, and the light that was in his eyes die.

"Em, I know I've made some big mistakes. You have every reason to hate me, but I need you to give me one more chance to make things right. This is why I reserved this dinner. I want us to start over."

I stare at him in astonishment. I feel angry, and knowing I shouldn't speak out of anger I pull my hands away from his, and look down at the menu. Flagging down a waitress, I order a glass of their strongest wine. Looking back at Rick I see a hint of rejection flicker across his face. For a small moment empathy seeps in, and I feel my shoulders relax. "Rick,  I don't know what's been going on with you, but I'm not interested in starting over. It's time for us to move on..."

"No, don't say that. I know I have my issues, and I will get some help. Just please, don't give up on us."

Wanting to understand where he is coming from, and how he has become the person he is. I dig deeper. "What issues?" Rick's eyes look away for a sec, and then back to mine.

"I know I have blamed you for my poor choices recently, and I am realizing that that was wrong. I have always struggled with a sexual addiction, and I am willing to get some help if you are willing to stand by my side through it."

The empathy I was feeling for him vanishes. "Sexual addiction? Really? You told me a year ago that you wanted to start over, and look where we're at now. How is this time any different?" Rick looks as if he's in physical pain.

"It's the truth! A year ago I didn't really understand what was happening. Please, let me explain. I want to be honest with you."

The plea in his eyes is enough to silence me. The waitress brings me my drink, and sets it down in front of me. Placing the glass to my lips, I take a sip, and set it down in front of me. I allow my eyes to drift over to Brad, and he looks as if he wants to walk over and strangle Rick. Giving him a look to keep it all together, I look back to Rick. "I'm listening!" Relief washes over Rick's face.

"Em, when I met you I knew you were just the girl I was searching for. I knew you would bring balance to my life, or at least I thought you would. You see, when I was ten years old there was this babysitter. She was a few years older than I, and she seemed to have feelings for me. She wasn't shy about it, and I would be lying if the attention didn't make me feel special. It wasn't long before she taught me a thing or two when it came to fondling, and intercourse.  A couple years later she moved away, and I started messing around with girls in my class. A few years after that I started experimenting with older women, and that's where things got really complicated, and exciting. What I was doing with these women was illegal. I had to sneak around to get the thrill I was seeking.  The sneaking around, and doing things I knew I shouldn't, made everything more intense. The thrill was incredible! I was addicted!!! Before I met you I only slept with married women. It was the only thing that fed my craving. Then you came along. You were pure, and a challenge. The more I got to know you the more I wanted you to belong to me. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with you. You were different from any woman I had ever met. When you agreed to marry me, it was the happiest day of my life. I really thought you were all I would ever need. That you were the one I was looking for all this time. Of course, that didn't last long. About six months after we were married I had my first affair with a previous lover. It only lasted a couple months before I ended things with her, and told myself it would never happen again. I didn't tell you because I honestly believed I could be the man you deserved. A few months later I started another affair. The cycle continued a few more times, and Stacey was one of them. I didn't love any of them. I always loved you. I just couldn't seem to satisfy the thrill of sneaking around. After Stacey, I really thought that things would be different. That something that extreme would change me, but then when my affair with Cindy started, and the thrill resurfaced. I didn't want to believe that I was still the same person. So I blamed you! It was easier to blame you than to admit I had a problem. Now, here I am.  Laying everything out on the table. Begging for another chance to become the man you deserve. To plead with you to give me one more chance. Please, don't tell me it's too late."