Shikamaru x Temari Distance (AU)

Part 12 Hiraeth. Chapter 1

Hiraeth: A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never existed. 

Part 12. Chapter 1

When Temari wakes up to find the blank white ceiling staring back at her, she remembers the countless mornings she's woken up to find the same sight and how the only thing that was in her mind at those times were how desperately she wanted to feel that way. And for a while, she really did. But right now, she couldn't remember those times. What she did remember was how it felt to hear the two words.

"I'm sorry."

But not just that, she remembered why it hurt the way it did. Why, by only two words that came out of his mouth, it felt like the ground she was standing on turned into air, and she was free of the earth's gravitational pull. She didn't fall out, she kept standing, but unable to move.

However, for the first time, she didn't feel like erasing the moment altogether from her memory to ease the pain. No, not at all. Because if she erased the pain, she'd erase the cause. She didn't want to erase him. No matter how much it hurt. And it was the same with her mom, too. She never could wish that she didn't have the memories she had with her; those were her treasure, that were only hers. She wanted to erase herself. She wished it had been her who was left behind. Because every loss in her life had already chipped pieces of hers, and she just didn't want to have to be expected to move on and still carry through while all the guilt and hatred towards herself continued to chip her.

But this time, it was different. Did she want things would turn out differently, and have some other reality? Of course. But whatever her reality was, with its ups and downs, was worth it. If she was given the chance to start over, she wouldn't make the same choices but all of it would still end the same. Right there. With his apology hanging in the air. Because she refused to believe that whatever she had with him was all an act on his part. Maybe parts of it, but the whole thing?

She told herself no. And really, that's all that mattered since the only place their story would continue to exist, was her mind.

***

The next few months flew by. Life goes fast when the moments that seem to last forever cease. Weeks start to feel like days, and the days get all mushed up together when you try to remember them because of how similar they are to one another.

And her days always started with dread. To get out of bed and actually continue on the day. Get to school somehow. Because she really didn't want to see them, holding hands and kissing in the hallways. He was laughing. Smile came to him easily when he was with her, as if almost on cue.

Temari realized she had forgotten her Science homework in her locker and was going to get it but decided she didn't need it once she saw what was happening. Shikamaru had his one hand against the lockers just beside the silver hair. Shiho was saying something to him, giggling when he put his other hand' index finger on her delicate lips.

She wanted to run away from the sight and do herself a favor but she couldn't. It felt like she was a dust in space that got stuck in a gravitational pull.

Shikamaru leaned in close, while she was staring at him intently, quiet, the excitement prominent in her eyes. Then he stopped right before their lips met to look around him, as if he's just realizing that they weren't alone. Being the perfect couple meant they were gonna have some fanbase. That's when Temari realized she wasn't alone as well. There were a few middle schoolers behind the lockers, peeking at them, and a couple of sophomores who were standing beside her, whispering to one another.

Her gaze was kept on them while all her brain could think about was how such a time existed when those same lips were practically hers to capture whenever she wanted to.