Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[11]

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: where are your spectacles?

T: my specs got broken in that last kidnapping so I have to wear contacts instead.

I: such a shame. You looked adorable in them.

T: and do I not look adorable anymore?

I: you're still a pretty boy but I like you more in glasses.

T: hadn't known your type would be the nerd.

I: glasses, a lopsided grin, large blue eyes and a cute little dimple on the left cheek. That's my type.

T: so in other words, me.

I: shut up, you narcissistic piece of shit.

T: I haven't yet seen your face fully but you're still my type.

***

I: and I'll just pretend this conversation never happened.

T: ...

T: if that's what helps you sleep at night, sure sweetheart.

I: I do not sleep at night, idiot, I'm out there saving your ass from hitting the ground after a fifty foot fall.

T: and also because you're nocturnal.

I: you could say that.

***

I: so apparently, Red Robin is back.

T: nooooo. I won't let you break up with me over him.

I: about 80% of the time, I have no idea whether you're always drunk texting me or are just really bad at making jokes.

T: tell me he hasn't proposed to you or asked you out, please...

T: 😢

I: how many times do I have to tell you that I despise his existence and would never ever go out with him.

T: sometimes I get insecure.

I: yeah right, you're definitely drunk again this time. Go to bed and sleep off the hangover, okay? And take an aspirin for the headache.

T: okay.

T: but you're not going out with him, right?

I: if you don't go to sleep right now, I'll borrow Harley's hammer and knock you out with it.

T: if that means I'll get to see you before I slip into the abyss of eternal darkness, then please do.

I: I don't know if I should hug you right now for being so adorable, or...

T: screw the other option. I'm badly in need of a hug.

I: the other option was throwing Red Robin off a roof next time I see him but if you're so insistent...

T: screw off the other option.

I: as you wish, love.

***

T: mon amour?

I: I told you specifically to call me Ren, not serenade me with these new incomprehensible names everyday.

T: Meine Liebe?

I: no.

T: Il mio amore?

I: what is wrong with you?