Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[01]

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: No more loitering on rooftops, birdboy.

T: why?

I: because you trip more often than you walk. And I can't always be there to save your ass.

T: I didn't ask you to do that.

I: aren't you being grateful?

T: I am grateful, I just don't want that to occur again.

I: exactly what I meant when I said no more loitering on rooftops, birdbrain.

T: hey!

***

T: but seriously, who are you?

I: I'm nobody.

T: it was nice to meet you, Nobody.

I: in that case, who are you?

T: I'm everybody.

I: bye Everybody.

T: now that was a whole new level of rude. And now you're probably my most favorite person in the world.

I: really?

T: second favorite, the most being my own self.

I: you narcissistic piece of shit!

T: my apologies ma'am, but I'm everybody. So in that case everybody's a narcissistic piece of shit.

***

T: I'm not a damsel in distress.

I: then what else are you?

T: I'm a damsel doing damage.

I: you're one hell of a damsel then.

***

T: is there some way the New Year's party can be avoided?

I: now what? You want me to save you from a party?

T: I could repay the favor anytime.

I: I don't go to parties.

I: I'm like that thirteenth fairy who nobody invites.

T: why don't you go with me then? The thirteenth fairy would love to make a showstopper entrance and wreak havoc.

I: better still, let's ditch it. I'll meet you at the rooftop and whisk you away.

T: how sweet. Where will you be whisking me away though?

I: how about Starbucks?

T: I'm in.

***

I: aw dang, I just checked and unfortunately I'm invited to the New Year's party too.

I: maybe these people know my thirteenth fairy tendency and don't want anything to go bad at their party. So they decided to go nice for once.

T: let's ditch it together!

I: my father would kill me if I did.

T: accompany me then?

I: I would rather not.

T: why?

I: I won't be coming there as a vigilante, idiot. I'll be me, the normal me who you don't know at all.

T: we could change that.

I: no thanks, I'd rather keep my identity a secret.

T: I won't tell.