30 Day Letter Challenge 2012 - Emily

Day 11 - Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Day 11 - Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

I’m writing three letters for this one. I couldn’t decide who to write it to. Oh and my day 9 letter is partly for this one as well.

Dear Pop,

I miss you so much. You died nearly 3 years ago now and I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.

We were never very close, since you and Nana split up when my mum was only 2 years old, and therefore you and Mum weren’t the closest. But she loved you so much. We all love you so much.

I wish I got the chance to be closer to you, but by the time I started wishing for this and understanding that you were dying, the throat cancer had pretty much taken you already. You couldn’t talk, you couldn’t eat, you couldn’t do anything you loved anymore. You were just the shell of the person you used to be. In a way, this made it easier for me to accept that maybe dying was your way out of the torture. It’s still hard, though.

I promise you wholeheartedly that I will never, ever smoke. That’s what caused this horrible thing. I wish there was no such thing as cigarettes, because then I’d still have you.

Mum and Uncle Tony tell me that you were wonderful at storytelling. I wish you could tell me a story now, I don’t mind what it is. Whether it’s a fairytale or some tale about our mischievous ancestor who was once a king of some sort, but got his title stripped from him (Uncle Tony tried telling me that story but teared up when he didn’t. He misses you so much, Pop). I don’t mind what the story is, I just want to hear it from you.

We visited Bubcia last year. She is so lonely in that big house, but it’s a bad time to sell so she has to hold onto it. She cried when we left, it was horrible.

One of my biggest regrets is not coming to your funeral. It was hard at that time because school had just started up again and it would have been expensive, but there is always a way. I wish I went, I think it would have been easier to accept then. To say a proper goodbye. I’m sorry.

Love Emily xxxx

Dear Tayla Rose,

I wish so, so unbelievably much that I could have gotten the chance to meet you and that you had lived. You are my cousin and I’ve always been so heartbroken that you died before I got the chance to meet you.

Yesterday would have been your 13th birthday. You would be a teenager now, Tayla. And yet you only lived a few weeks. You were born premature, very premature. I remember my mum telling me that my uncle’s wedding ring fit right up your arm, that’s how small you were.

You have two brothers now. I’m sure you would fight with them like any siblings, but they really are great boys. I know you would have loved them. I sure do.

I wish I could have gotten to know the wonderful person I know you would have been. What would you have been like? Would you be into sports like my brother? Music like me and your dad? Would you be a genius like your brother? Or charismatic like your mum?

I love you Tayla, even though I never met you and never got to know the person you would have became.

Lots of love,

Your cousin Emily xxxx

Dear Nanny,

You past away nearly a year ago now and still I cry about it often. The last time I saw you was a few months before you died, and I never imagined it would be the last time.

I was reading through a letter that I wrote to you last year when I did this challenge. You were still alive then, but it was unlikely you’d live much longer. You’d had a stroke. At the time, I didn’t really understand what that meant. I expected you to get through it, just like Grandpa did all those years ago. But I didn’t take into account that you were ten years older than Grandpa was. When I came to the realisation of what it really meant, I couldn’t stop crying. I was shocked.

You were 93 years old, Nanny! That’s incredible! I guess it was expected that something like that because you are so old, but it didn’t make it any easier.

You’ve always been there. Visiting you was one of the only things I could count on in the holidays. Even though it might sound stupid considering your age, I thought you were always going to be there because of how you constantly would pull through and come out the other side, stronger than before.

I feel privileged that I got to know my great-grandma so well when many people don’t get the same opportunity.

I miss your stories about your childhood. I miss out visits. I miss you. I love you so much.

Love Emily xxx