SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

018: I should bleed his pain

Dawn 18

I wake up to hear someone fall in the Berg. Immediately, I know there are no weapons in the room. Next to the bed, there is a night lamp. I grab it, twisting the heavy metal in my arms. Slowly, I make my way to the kitchen. If it is a Crank from Denver, I can probably take him. Soldiers, however, I don't think so.

I raise the lamp above my head when I jump into the room. I shout out as I move to throw it and Newt screams. He scrambles back against the fridge, his chest heaving when he sees me. I drop the lamp onto the ground, where it shatters.

"Why are you sneaking around?" I demand, looking down to the bag in his arms. I snatch it from him, digging through it. Newt doesn't try to wrestle it from me. Within, I dig out a few boxes of pasta. I slam them against the ground, and the noodles scatter everywhere. "Are you leaving?"

Newt moves to the floor, trying to pick up one of the smashed boxes. He doesn't answer me. I cross my arms over my chest. Is he shucking with me?

"Newt, you had better shucking answer me," I kneel down next to him, trying to make his eyes meet mine. I snap my hand over to his shoulder, digging my nails in. He shoves me off.

"Newt!" I shout.

"Do you want to get a guards attention?" He snaps, pulling himself to his feet. "If so, please keep bloody shouting."

"What the shuck are you doing?" I can feel my arms shaking at my sides. "Are you shucking leaving me with Lott?"

"No," Newt jumps in too quickly. His face grows pale.

My eyes widen. Leaving the kitchen, I make my way into the main room of the Berg. As I walk, I pull my hair up into a messy ponytail. I am ready to throw hands. Just as I expected, Lott is lounging on the floor of the Berg, next to the doorway.

He smirks when he sees me. "Hey doll. Are you joining us?"

"Newt!" My blood is going to burst out my veins from the shucking pressure of my heart. "Are you leaving me?"

"Don't crank out," Lott warns. He is much calmer than he was when the others were here.

"I'm not cranking out," I enunciate every word as they fly out of my mouth. Shuck, I wish I could slap him in his bloody mug. What kind of mothershacker is Newt to leave me like this? To leave us all? After everything I've done for him. After every sacrifice I have made to unite us all. "You of all people should know that I can be angry without being a Crank."

"You are a Crank, angry or not," Lott corrects.

"Would you slim in, slinthead?" I demand.

Newt enters the room, his bag on his back. I look up at the ceiling, my foot tapping on the ground. Instead of stars, I see metal. You know, I really hate being cooped up in this flying machine. I want the stars, and the ocean, and Minho, and I want Newt not to be leaving me.

"What are you both doing?" I demand, stepping closer to Newt. "Why are you leaving? You're going to get thrown in Crank jail the second you step out of here."

"Hopefully," Newt begins. "Maybe even better, they'll kill us."

I shake my head back and forth, stepping away from Newt. In this moment, I don't recognize him, which I don't like to say. He is a stranger standing in front of me. Even though I try to find words, I can't find any. I rub my lips together, trying to inspire them into speech.

"Don't talk like that," I finally manage, my voice quiet.

"Would you rather he slurs and sputters? Would that be more like a Crank to you?" Lott pesters me, finally getting to his feet. He moves over to the exit of the Berg. I long to go outside too, but not like this.