SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

27: I should hold someone

Michelle 27

Jay and I haven't spoken since we left the group, but to be completely honest, I prefer the silence. This way, I can concentrate on watching the streets. I don't trust the barren. Moving through this town feels less safe than the Scorch, somehow. At least there, I knew what I was expecting at every twist and turn.

Here, every corner provides new questions. How can a city become empty overnight? It can't. It absolutely cannot, and I don't like that. I don't like this.

I am tempted to ask Jay if he even knows where we are going, but his face has been paler than I thought possible since we got through security. Maybe it's because he realized that his outburst of anger resulted in an actual plan that is going to get us killed, or maybe it is because we aren't eating or sleeping properly. Then again, that is the norm for a Glader. We've gotten too used to comfort here.

A bed should be a commodity in my eyes, but now it seems like a necessity. I've grown soft. If Gally were here, he would be teasing me.

There is a sound a block away, and I jolt in front of Jay. I can hear the exhale of his smirk behind me, but I have no time to play this game of his. After Thomas's stunt last night, I decided it would be in my best interest to steal a knife from the apartment we were staying in. I pull it out from my belt, waiting for whatever is coming.

"How did you manage to get that thing through security?" Jay bends over. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear so he can whisper with ease, and the gesture makes my body shiver.

To my left, metal clangs. Jay and I shift to face the sound. Jay places a hand on my waist, pulling me away from the sound. I don't resist, putting the knife back in my belt.

"Do you even know where we last saw Sheil?" I ask through my teeth.

Jay rolls his eyes. "You know, I navigated the Scorch too. I was also a Runner, way back when. Give me some credit, Michelle."

"That's kind of hard to do when my neck is on the line." I grit but push forward. I don't even shrug out of his grip. The gesture gives me a false sense of security, which could get me killed, but also, what is living without touch?

God, I sound like Dawn. Not like, current Dawn, but sane Dawn, you know? I sound like a girl who's head is full of dreams and eyes see nothing but the stars. See, even metaphors still sound clunky when they are coming from me.

I'm not a dream girl, and this isn't a dream moment, but I will take a win wherever I can get it.

"It's only up a block," Jay finally tells me. Or admits to me. His voice is paper thin.

I nod, trying to remember the area we are in now. Just up the block is the fountain, and the coffee shop, and the wreck where Thomas's body would be lying if it weren't for WICKED. God, what I wouldn't give to be their favourite. Then, maybe the Grievers wouldn't have attacked my room, and they wouldn't have taken Dave alive.

"I'll go first," I tell Jay.

The boy's shoulders hunch together. "What do you mean?"

I turn around to face him, stopping just before we cross the road. I take his hands in mine, running my fingers across his skin. It's is softer now, the calluses faded. We've had time to heal. The more we can stay intact, the better.

"I'll go around the corner first, and then I'll come get you," I tell him.

Jay furrows his brows. He slips his hands out of mine, shoving them deep into his pockets. Though his eyes stay firmly attached to mine, his body is recoiling. "You think Sheil is dead, don't you?"