SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

25: I shouldn't suck it up

Leo 25

When I wake up, I have a headache like no other. The others are still sleeping. I walk into the bathroom and splash icy water on my face. For the first time in a while, I look at myself. My hair is messy and my skin in peeling. At the very least I'm dehydrated. At most, I've caught the Flare too, despite being immune, and my body is slowly giving in.

I redo my hair, though with little success because I don't have a hairbrush. I even try to brush my teeth, although I'm sure they'll rot out of my face any day soon. When I return to the main room, people are up and getting ready to leave in silence. Thomas offers me a grim smile.

I quickly throw on the pair of sunglasses Jorge bought me, trying desperately to ease the headache. Michelle opens the door first and walks outside. We stand, leaning over the bannister which itself hangs over the street. She doesn't say anything to me, and now the silence is comforting.

"You know, if you had stayed with Gally, I might have been trampled to death," I tell her, trying to open the space between us.

She blows a hair out of her face, a smile creeping up on it. "Is that the only time you think I've saved your life?"

I lean backwards, startled by her confidence. She laughs at my face, before inching closer to me. My arm leans against hers. This is probably the closest Michelle can get to a hug. Though I don't want to think about what happens after Dawn dies, I'm reassure by Michelle's presence beside me. At least we have each other.

"I've kind of resigned myself to saving your life at this point," Michelle jokes (I think? Her tone doesn't change). "The life of the Med-jack matters more than my own."

I'm struggling to find the words to contradict her when the doors to the apartment open. Everyone else begins to file out. Thomas leads the way with Brenda and Jorge by his side. When Michelle goes up with Jay, Minho beckons me to him.

We are missing Sheil. Thomas told us that when he was threatened at gunpoint, Sheil came in to help, although to no avail. Nobody has seen him since, even Jay who snuck out last night to go looking.

As we walk down the stairs and head towards the commercial district, where Jorge insists there will be taxis, I realize how much Denver has changed over night. The pedestrians around us all wear gas masks, some holding them tightly against their face as if to provide a second barrier of protection. I try to keep my head down and not draw attention to myself because I lack a mask.

"Are you ready to see Newt?" Minho asks, trying to check in on me though I'm sure he wants me to ask him about Dawn. After all, he is one of the more selfish people I know, and it adds to his charm "Thomas told us that when he was saved by WICKED yesterday, they warned him that Newt was progressing faster than the others."

I shrug, because I have been trying not to think about Newt expressly. "I know."

Minho raises his arm, as if to put it around my shoulder, but then he doesn't. It isn't often that he touches me, or really anyone who isn't Dawn actually. Minho clears his throat, trying to figure out a way to comfort me. In an odd way, his harshness is comforting. The knowledge that he remains the cut-throat, protective, jokester that I have always known at least provides me with some stability. "Dawn would have tried to get our attention if something had gone wrong. They are fine for now."

"Fine for now doesn't mean fine," I interject. "Besides, there could be other reasons Dawn hasn't called. What if she can't figure it out? What if she is lying on the floor convulsing or something? What if-"

"Playing the "what if" game is only going to make you more tense. So, stop it."

For once, Minho has good advice. It's so odd that he and I have never been close, given that he and Newt are best friends and so are me and Dawn. Out of the long list of things I regret, getting to know Minho is one of them.