SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

30: I shouldn't be like Newt

Dawn 30

They come running.

I see them, bolting out of the Crank Palace. From here, I can see the panic on Leo's face. She is furthest back, followed only by Minho. I know how fast he can run, and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be panicked.

Behind the entire group, there comes a group of Cranks, tripping and falling all over each other. Brenda is moving much faster than them, but Jorge and Leo aren't.

My feet nearly slip and fall as I dive into the cockpit. Thankfully, Jorge labelled the switch with a sheet of paper, so I don't accidentally press the homing beacon again. When I flip it, I hear the grumbling of the metal door lifting.

Then, I dart out of the cockpit down into the doorway. Brenda blows past me. I hear her feet clanging, every step louder and louder (even though she is getting father away from me). My legs aren't sturdy enough to carry me down the ramp, so I grab on to the inside of the ship and hang, watching on.

In just a few seconds, everyone comes charging up into the Berg. Jorge flips a switch on the wall to raise the ramp. Without a pause, he heads to the cockpit. I narrowly move my nose out of the way as the ramp lifts, but I don't let go of the wall. After all, I can feel the rumble of the engine starting in my shoes. Any second we will take off.

I can hear someone crying. Once I wipe my face (and I'm certain that it isn't me), I turn to look down. Leo has her face in her hands, hiding from us. Most probably from me. Her sobs become a hum in harmony with the fiery engine. As we are lifted off the ground, I begin to tip. Minho wraps an arm around me.

"Why is she crying?" I ask, my voice louder than it ought to be, but I'm trying to speak over the Berg.

"Dawn," Minho cautions. I don't look at him, because I can't bear to see the utter disappointment on his face.

Thomas glances up at me. He moves down to Leo, kneeling around her. It's hard to watch his hand slowly lean down against her when the sound is so loud. Especially since the gesture is soft and sweet, too much so for the harshness I expect from their sweaty bodies.

Leo shoves him off.

"I don't understand," my grip becomes tighter as the ship jolts upward. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Even though I want to remember what happened, I can't. They were on the ship and they left. At some point, I unlocked the bedroom door and waited out here. Before that, though, they weren't here, and I was alone. Then, I pressed the homing beacon, which is why they came back, I think. They knew I was panicking. But why was I panicking? Right, because I pressed the homing beacon. But why did I press it? Why did I need them?

Minho pulls me closer, until his lips are practically pressed up against my ear. "Newt isn't coming back."

Finally, I let go of him. The world is falling down around me, but I keep myself standing up, though barely. The world goes greyer, and suddenly I understand what it is to be Ella. To be removed from the people I care about with no hope of getting them back. To see myself in those who have chosen to leave me. How awful, and yet, how numb. It's an idle horror.

"What do you mean?" I ask, turning to stare at Leo. She peeks through her eyes to find mine. Her face is pink and her eyes are large. "You were supposed to get him back."

"Dawn-" Minho cuts me off.

"No!" I slam my arms down, pushing him away from me. "You were supposed to get him and save him. How could you just let him run away? How could you leave us alone?"