SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

44: I should live for them

Leo 44

The rest of the day blurs by. After we drop Thomas and the pilot off, Gally and I hang out in the car. When he keeps watch, he wakes me from the nightmares that cause my body to scream and twist in my seat. When it's my turn to make sure no Cranks come by, I do the same for him.

The next morning, the Right Arm shows up. In tow they've brought Minho, Brenda, Jorge, Teresa and the few people in Group A. Other than Gally, we are the only people here who are Immunes.

We climb on the Berg. They give us a private room. It's small, which is all the better. Saph offers my leg a squeeze when I sit down. She sits next to me but leans against Beth. When I look to Minho for support, he turns away.

In my hand, I squeeze Newt's letter. I still haven't read it. I don't think I ever will. Just carrying the last words he had for me is too much, let alone reading them.

After an hour, I cross the floor to join Minho, damn his indifference. He doesn't inch away from me which is at least a step in the right direction.

I put my hands to my face. Newt. He needs to know. When I try to spit the words out, I run to the bathroom. I go through the motions of vomiting, over and over, but nothing comes out. I haven't eaten in days. Maybe I haven't drank anything either. Since Michelle's death, everything has become one.

Minho holds my hair back. Not that it does any good, because all that comes out of me is stomach bile and spit. Still, I hang there for what feels like hours. When I finally pull myself off, I wash my mouth out.

The two of us sit on the floor of the bathroom and stare at each other. He rubs his chin, peering out the doorway at the others. Talking isn't going to fix anything, but he needs to know.

"We ran into Newt on the way here," my voice is barely a croak out of my throat. Maybe I'm decaying too, just like him. Maybe it was the last kiss that sealed the deal. Maybe it was pulling the trigger.

Minho finally looks me in the eyes. I can't tell if his eyes are watering now, or if they've always been this glossy.

"I... I had to..." I begin, before I curl my knees up into me.

He stares at me. I can feel his eyes on me. Saying nothing is enough though. I'm not expecting him to heal me with what little words I have left him with.

When we land, the Right Arm disperses. WICKED's system has already been brought down, so the majority of its members kill the guards. Even though we Immunes probably have the most experience fighting, we stay in a tight bubble protected by the Right Arm.

Once inside of WICKED, they bring us down a hallway. Gally, along with the few other top officials in the Right Arm, gets a private room. Since us Immunes were only brought along at Gally's insistence, we get a room just across the hall.

Inside, we sit and wait.

"I'm sorry about them," Teresa whispers to me in the dark of the office.

I almost ask her who they are, but it doesn't matter to me. It's been so long since Teresa and I have talked. I've got no idea who she is anymore, or what her motivations are. She hasn't done anything to sabotage the Right Arm's mission so far, which is a good sign.

"Thank you," I tell her. It's the only answer that I can really offer because I can't offer her my condolences. As far as I know, she hasn't lost anyone. Except for one. "I know that you and Michelle were close."