Dirt

10

Knox

"Balance your heart on my sleeve," The melody and harmony trickle through my head, my fingers trying to make sense of how this should go, "We'll wade through water, pan for gold-"

Something sticks, something hits a cord in my head and my fingers instantly form to it again, "Balance your heart on my sleeve, We'll wade through water, pan for gold-" My instincts snap from the keys to the pen and pencil balancing on the soundboard. I whisper and whisper the notes and coinciding lyrics. 

"That sounded great!"

My bones jumped out and all the way to the moons in shock. I didn't know he was here. That's the best part of playing; getting wrapped up in your own world, your own mind, it doesn't matter who's watching or who's not. But Tim was. 

Why hadn't I put my headphones in? What the fuck was I thinking? 

I pressed the keyboard off, standing up and pushing the stole underneath. I fold my notebook up, stick the pencil in my pocket, and when I look up Tim is in Grace's doorway with a big smile pulling on his clean-shaven cheeks. It looked like he wasn't going to let me out of the room unless I gave him something. I don't know what. He's cornering me in my own little sister's bedroom after scaring the living daylights out of me while stalking my playing. 

"I've been trying one part for an hour, it isn't that good," Shouldn't that be enough? No, he just lets his smile knock down a notch but smiles nonetheless. 

I could be doing homework, or playing more instead of dealing with this. Do they wonder why I never play aloud? And now Grace isn't even here to distract them. 

"Yeah, but it still sounded amazing. You've got real talent, you know that? I'm glad you and Grace let us sign up for music lessons. Though, I don't see why you need it much," He laughs, shaking his head.

I wasn't about to reject piano lessons. Especially when I learned they'd be in the college town. A college town with a population of more than four. Though it was annoying they could only get Grace's violin appointment and my piano appointment on different days. I'm barely easing into the family, but now I have a dignified two hours of someone to get bored and push on me. At least Roger was calming down. 

I'm also getting stuck with Roger's gaggle of boys. They weren't bad, they were better than most the boys at school -here or back home. Cedar could be a like a puppy, so easy excitable and positive about just everything. It was nice having someone always there to joke and bring attention to good things, but I'd be lying if it got annoying some times too. I haven't interacted with Raine or Basil much but they both seem nice. Raine was the unofficial leader, I gather. Basil the unofficial dad of the group. 

And Princeton. Princeton was a whole other category. 

I can always imagine the look on his flushed face when I let my dirt slip out in the homophobic slur. It was defense, a poor fucking excuse, but it was a defense to either get them to hate me or accept me. That's how it is at home. Be harsh, be sharp, give them black and white. Either they think you're cool enough to join the gang or your saving your ass from a useless attempt of friendship.

But none of them did that. I can see a snapshot of the way his hand lifted a few inches off the table with the instinct to touch the messy waves of rosey copper that framed his face, some protected behind his ear. I don't want to think about why I chose it first, it looked so incredibly smooth, practically begging to run through. 

His green eyes were wide, his pupils sparkled my own reflection. The faintest dots occasionally graced his bleached cheeks, pale pink lips parting with an absentminded gasp of air.