Belladonic Haze

4

"You really do like kids, don't you?" Ben had once blurted out, when they were in the silent hallway where no students were mostly seen, when they were pressed up against one other, breathing each others air and making out like there was no tomorrow. Joe stared Ben in the eye and flipped him off before grabbing his collar and pulling him towards himself, kissing him vigorously, trying to not think about Ben's question and trying really hard on focusing at the task at hand, but he couldn't.

He loved kids and that was the one and only answer for Ben's question. He loved every single thing about them, how tiny they were, the innocence, the smiles and giggles, how easily amused they are, how they teach every single one of us to laugh and smile at the smallest things in out lives, he just loved everything about them. He couldn't deny but he loved kids and one day, he wanted to be a father.

Sure, he was still in college, in his early twenties and he had a lot to achieve in his life, write scripts for movies, direct and/or produce them, he had a passion for movies but kids have always been his weak point.

He would love be a father, raised a baby boy or girl to be this talented person, accept every one of their flaw and help them work it out. He would love be the cool dad, a hero to someone, he would love to be that.

When he got into his first relation, he had all these dreams planned out, he was so in love with that person but in the end it was like he knew it would be. Heartbreak.

It was the first but the worst, he knew he deserved better than that, so he let it go. The same with his 2nd and 3rd one and that's when he gave up. He resolved on messing around, not being in a stable relation, picking up whoever was willing and fucking around. All of the other things could wait.

The thoughts of being a father, or having a small kid, always made him recall how he couldn't keep a relationship and made him feel like a loser that he was, so he instead on focusing on that, he kissed Ben but it wasn't enough of a distraction and he couldn't focus. So he stopped, stared at Ben and left without another word. He felt bad, leaving Ben with no explanations, leaving him clueless but Ben could wait for now.

--

When they met the next time, they just stood in front of each other, leaning on opposite walls and staring at the other. Their bodies were relaxed on the cold wall, an awkward silence spread between them.

Ben knew that his words had triggered Joe because of the way he reacted, he completely stopped and his hands fell back down to his sides and Ben knew he shouldn't have asked it.

But when he saw Joe playing with Emily, the way he made her smile or laugh or the way he played with her, the way they got along so well or when they both decided to team up and prank Ben, be it a small lame one, he knew that Joe was a person who dreamt of having kid or rather kids.

When his eyes sparkled as Emily insisted he stayed or when she made him promise to come again next time, Ben knew Joe would surely return, not for Ben but for Emily.

"I'm sorry for last time. I don't know what I was thinking or what happened-"

"It was about the question I asked, right?" Ben cut him off and asked instead because he knew it and wanted the confirmation. When Joe nodded, Ben walked the five steps towards him and pressed their bodies together, sliding a hand around his waist. He gently grabbed Joe's chin between his index and thumb of the other hand and made him look up from the floor.

"Do you wanna tell me?" Ben slowly asked, eyeing his lips as he licked his own. Joe leaned forward while nodding his head, pressed a peck to Ben's lips.

"Tell me, love." Ben whispered as he slowly pecked Joe's lips and deepened the kiss.

Joe told Ben everything he had in mind, getting cut off by Ben's lips multiple times but still continuing to tell him. He spoke everything his heart wanted to tell, no filters, nothing but sincerity in his words.

When he was done, his lips were bruised and his chest felt lighter, it was so much better to tell someone about this. His hands were already around Ben's neck and he pulled him further towards himself, embracing him.

He hid his face in the crook of Ben's neck and took in small, shallow breaths, a small smile etching over his lips and Ben's hands tightened around him, securing him in place.

He felt a warmth in his chest, the way Ben's hot breaths were fanning the expanse of his neck or the sudden small pecks placed on it. He loved it. For some reason, he felt different than before. It was weird but a good weird.

"Wanna go get coffee?" Ben whispered in the crook of his neck, receiving a nod in return.

"Tea, actually." Joe retorted playfully, still his voice as low as a whisper.

"Sure, love." Ben whispered back and pulled away, looking at Joe with a smile etched over his features. He slid his hand down and entangled it with Joe's, their fingers intertwining as they smiled at each other and walked out of the building, still hand in hand and small smiles. The silence spread between them was pleasant and the awkwardness suddenly vanishing into thin air as they walked.

And of course, they found Rami, sitted in the cafe with his eyes roaming the figure of a beautiful blonde girl, no a beautiful and expressive blonde woman, behind the counter, serving coffee's and smiles. But, that was a story for another time.