Crystal Clear - Treasure Chest Reviews & Graphics [Hiring/Open]

Life On The Road (AI)

Title: Life on the Road

Author: w41k3r_19880

Genre: Fanfiction

Tags: alanwalker, fanfiction, shortstory, walkers, walkersjoin

Blurb:

"An official fanfiction from Life on the Road, a fanfiction event hosted by teamalan and Alan Walker.
Walkers have a secret platform to group together, communicate and recieve information, from teamalan, MER studios, and most importantly, walker number 0 - Alan Walker. Missions, clues, even spoilers - this platform is w41k3r.com. (See music video of Alone)
At the website, Alan recently suggested a fanfiction project, in which every walker had strong interests in. During the sign-up process, hundreds of walkers submitted their past stories and their hopes of getting chosen. Chapter one by #8598(dreamingmelodies26) soon took off, introducing Micah, a teenager in his early twenties with a huge passion in guitar. His sister Runa saw a golden opportunity and was the one that pushed him to enter - the opportunity to be on stage with none other than Alan Walker. Micah went through a series of bizarre events in the second chapter(by #5028) with Finja, a person from MER studios, the crew and Alan - and also Casper, who's also competing for the spot and has quite an amount of tension between Micah. What happens in the third chapter? Does Micah or Casper get to be on stage? What finally happens at the performance? All the questions swarming on the platform will finally be answered in chapter three."

💎 Reviewer: arkynio

Review:

Title 2/5:

While the title is straightforward and informative, it isn't very memorable or attention grabbing. You want your potential readers to be drawn in and hooked by the title.

Cover 3/5:

I really love the aesthetic of your cover. It's simple and futuristic, but it doesn't really hint at what the story is about. The title doesn't have to be in quotes on the cover, by the way!

Blurb 2/5:

The explanation about the contest is a nice touch, but should be separated from the actual synopsis. The body of the blurb was informative, but would make more sense if reorganized and rewritten to flow smoother.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling 10/15:

I enjoyed the story, but I came across quite a few errors. Not to worry-I've outlined them below and they can be easily fixed!

Worldbuilding 3/10:

This is what got me. There really wasn't any world-building to speak of at all. You should create environments and settings that immerse your reader in the world you see inside your head. Descriptions and imagery are going to be extremely important to include in order to achieve this.

Plot Development 15/20:

I could definitely tell this was a continuation, but it flowed relatively well. You could rewrite to include more details and descriptions, but I understand you were working with a word count.

Character Development 10/20:

Your characters were dynamic enough to be discernible, but their dialogue felt flat at times.

Originality 10/10:

Good work!

Enjoyment/Hook 7/10:

I enjoyed reading it, and I can tell you enjoyed writing it!

Summary 62/100:

I can tell you had a good time writing this. I think fanfiction is an awesome way to not only connect more with artists we love, but to broaden our writing experiences as well. I feel like fanfics get a lot of hate, but they are just as enjoyable and entertaining as stories from other genres. I wanted to congratulate you on being selected to take part in this project. It was well deserved. I hope you take my advice to heart and know that it was not at all from a place of malice, but instead one of encouragement and experience. If you ever have any other works you'd like reviewed, drop another request on my page. Keep up the good work!
Chapter 3: A solid hook to start. I immediately want to know more about who Casper is and why his absence has everyone so worked up. I would consider rewording "the yelling part mostly from Oscar" to something that flows a little better, maybe something like "Oscar providing the majority of the yelling" or "the majority of the yelling coming from Oscar". Don't forget to include commas after phrases like 'to be honest', especially if they're at the beginning of a sentence. When beginning new character dialogue, it needs to be as a new paragraph and indented. So, for each new character that speaks, it should be a new, indented paragraph. I noticed you use '...' a good bit in your dialogue. Some places, like after 'um', need to be a comma instead. Also, I noticed that you wrote that Casper was talking to Finja, and then Finja went to look for Casper. Make sure that you're staying consistent. Some of your dialogue felt a bit lacking and dry. Make sure that it's natural and flows. When Micah is given the official contract, there is a disappointing lack of details. That whole interaction feels rushed and is lacking a natural flow.