Crystal Clear - Treasure Chest Reviews & Graphics [Hiring/Open]

The Phoenix Queen (KELL)

Title: The Phoenix Queen

Author: _shikato_

Genre/Subgenre: Fantasy/Adventure

Tags: action, adventure, family, fantasy, mage, queen, supernatural

Blurb:

"I fought for my mother when nobody else would. Dragons came and attacked cities, but I slew them all. My sadistic birth father tried to kill me. Kings and queens sent armies after me but failed. An evil god stalked and attempted to kill my children.
"I am the Phoenix Queen. If anyone touches my family, threatens my land, or hurts my people, I will stop them. That is a promise."
~.:.~
Follow Mavis as she tells her tale; traversing the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of having to grow up in her world of magic, dragons, and an ancient evil that seeks the destruction of everything she loves.

💎 Reviewer: kellxroserave

Review:

Title (5/5):

The title is great for a fantasy novel. It's very telling about who this book is about, and is simple, but intriguing.

Cover (5/5):

This cover is beautiful! It has the perfect amount of mystery to draw in a reader. I really like the text and how the 'O' is (from what I can tell) a phoenix. It's little details like that that set covers apart. The fire and armor are well placed.

Blurb (4/5):

I reviewed the full blurb in the book since you couldn't put it in the comment. I really like the second quote, I think it gives the reader just enough information to keep them reading, but gives them some insight as to who Mavis is. However, I think the first quote might give away too much plot of your book. The smaller blurb is good, but I feel like it's missing something. Maybe giving more of a description of Mavis can help readers get to know her a bit better before they start reading.

Grammar, Punctuation, and Vocabulary (10/15):

The grammar and punctuation in this story is good for the most part, but there are some minor things that need to be changed, especially when it comes to dialogue. The vocabulary was okay, but I feel like it could be more advanced - Mavis is clearly intelligent and responsible for a 14 year old, so I feel like the narration should reflect that a bit more.

Wordbuilding/Descriptions (6/10):

The wordbuilding had the tendency to be lackluster. Using a thesaurus to find different words in your descriptions would be extremely beneficial in preventing you from using the same words over and over. I was left wanting more in a few cases, like with characters and her surroundings. That being said, the descriptions were still engaging and gave me a good sense of the world.

Plot Development/Pacing/Chapter Structure (16/20):

The pacing for this story is very quick. I'm impatient, so I like that, but I feel like you could include a chapter of Mavis being homeschooled before the ceremony, and bit more of her life. I was a little bit confused about what she was learning, and it was a surprise to find out at the ceremony that she was homeschooled when it shouldn't have been.The chapters were on the short side, but I felt like they ended at good points to keep the reader hooked. The plot was structured well and easy to understand. You answer questions the reader may have with good timing.