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Sting (EB)

Title: Sting

Author: PrincessPlatinumPrincess

Genre: Fantasy

Tags: action autism battle blackfamily fantasy fight friends humor love mystery nerd paranormal romance recommended romance royalty scorpio scorpion scorpious sting tea2020 teen theaceawards2020 undiscovered

Blurb:

The boy in my dreams is always the same. Smooth chocolate brown skin, shocking blue eyes, wicked good looks...and a scorpion tail...
       He always has the same request, "Come with me.. "
       And I always have the same answer, "...no. "
Who is he?
What does he want with me?
I have no idea, but I think I'm about to find out...
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
    Kara Evergreen's life had been going on like a normal nerdy teen's for the past seventeen years.
But few months after her seventeenth birthday, she begins having dreams about a guy with a scorpion tail, claiming she's needed for something important.
Soon, she is plunged into a world of scorpion humanoids and her life as a whole becomes what 'normal' humans will call abnormal.

💎 Reviewer: EliBees

Review:

Title 4/5: 

The title is very relevant to the story.

Cover 3/5: 

The cover is not very catchy, it's a bit cheesy, but it does illustrate the blurb

Blurb 3/5 :

Knowing that this blurb has been edited, I have to applaud you on the changes. However, I still think you could do more work to clean it up. For instance:
 
It's always the same boy in my dreams. Smooth chocolate skin, shocking blue eyes, wicked good looks and...a scorpion tail.
He always has the same request, "Come with me."
And I always have the same reply, "No."
———
Kara Evergreen's life has been fairly average for a typical nerdy seventeen-year-old. But a few months after her seventeenth birthday, she began to have dreams. Dreams about a guy with a scorpion tail, claiming he needs her for something important.
Soon she is plunged into a world of scorpion humanoids and her whole world is turned upside down.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling 12/15:

You have such an interesting plot with very vivid characters. A scorpion humanoid is so unique. I think you could challenge yourself to push your vocabulary and use stronger words in your descriptions. Try showing the reader what's happening rather than tell.  Try using less dialogue and build in more description. Spelling is excellent.

Worldbuilding/Descriptions 7/10:

As I mentioned before about using stronger vocabulary, this will help you create better descriptions of the world you're creating. While I'm captivated by the plot of your story, I find myself craving more descriptors of the scorpion race and where they come from. What it looks like, smells like and possibly tastes like. Keep using your 5 senses to imagine what the characters are seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting.

Plot Development/Pacing/Chapter Structure 17/20:

The plot is very well thought out. The story is unique in that the characters are very different. Initially, I was a bit disappointed in the opening of the story beginning with a dream as that's a very common beginning. However, after reading the first 4 chapters, the opening is very relevant and important to MC and the plot of the story. The pacing in the beginning of the story is a bit choppy, however as you read on, it seems as though the author finds a better pace in changing scenes and ending chapters inappropriate places. The structure of the chapters can sometimes be a bit off with spacing of paragraphs, but this is a simple fix. It wouldn't change the flow of the story, just help the reader follow the story with ease.

Character Development 17/20:

Character building is a bit slow in the first four chapters. Since I've previously read these chapters, I read the next four chapters. The reader will begin to see the MC's personality and friends develop. You start to learn more about the mysterious scorpions that keep visiting her. It's enjoyable to see the MC struggle with her feelings for the scorpion and it's hard not to fall in love with her potential love interest.

Originality 9/10:

I can't say this enough how original your story is. I have yet to see or read something quite like this. I absolutely love your take on scorpions being a humanoid species from some different dimension/planet? I haven't gotten that far in the story to know exactly where they come from, but I absolutely enjoy this concept.

Enjoyment/Hook 8/10:

When I first judged this story I wasn't sure I was going to like it. The plot seemed so strange to me and I wasn't entirely sure where the author was going to take this story. I was pleasantly surprised by the storyline of scorpion humanoids needing a human to track some kind of elusive serum for their species. I was immediately drawn in by Kara's no-nonsense attitude and Asher's teasingly flirtatious personality. The characters are easy to love and the story is fascinating. It's hard not to wonder what's going to happen to our feisty MC, the fun-loving Asher, and ever brooding Zayn.

Summary 80/100:

Your story is so unique. I'm really interested in the scorpion humanoids you've created. It's a very interesting concept. I think you need to spend some time developing the scenery and the world you're creating. Use more descriptive text to show the reader more about each character and the conflict you're creating. As I mentioned before I was immediately drawn in by Kara's no-nonsense attitude and Asher's teasingly flirtatious personality. The characters are easy to love and the story is fascinating. It's hard not to wonder what's going to happen to our feisty MC, the fun-loving Asher, and ever brooding Zayn.
You truly have a great story here. Now that this story is complete, I hope you'll take the time to edit it when you're ready. You have an unbelievable imagination, I can't wait to read more from you. Fantastic job!