the boy with the blue shoes

part 35

the only thing i could do was panic. i was trapped, i was scared. i didn't know what my dad was capable of. i head the sound of a door unlocking and looked over to the door. the door suddenly swung open and my dad stood there. he started walking over to me and i was beginning to hyperventilate, but not obviously. he suddenly took me into an embrace. i took a sigh of relief but then i heard him crying. "dad what's wrong" i asked, "you're going to get taken away again, i'm horrible father. i cant even just talk with my son" he cried onto my shoulder. "it's okay dad" i rubbed his back.

turned out the big news that cherry was trying to tell my dad was that she was pregnant. which is not what ANYONE wants. cherry is like 20 at a push and my dad was a horrible dad as it is. i didn't know how we were going to cope with 2 kids. for some weird reason they actually decided to keep the baby, maybe my dad wanted a fresh start. i guess i just wasn't good enough, but since when have i been. my brother died when i was 7, he was very young, my parents split up maybe a year after. i've been abused since the age of 8/9. that made me feel terrible, i'm 13 almost 14 that's 4/5 years.

over the next few months my dad would beat me, put me away in the cupboard then come in crying blaming it on something else. sometimes he's terrified he's going to be a horrible father to the new baby, sometimes it's the fact he's got a couple of beers in him. sometimes he's 'too upset' to give an answer. 

one night i woke up and felt oddly hungry. i walked down the stairs which was a little loud and went into the kitchen. i looked in the fridge and found stuff to make a sandwich. i started obviously making the sandwich before i heard someone behind me. i turned around and was faced with my dad. i smiled and took a bite out of my sandwich. "what doing you" he asked, he was obviously drunk because he couldn't even speak properly. "sandwich" i dumbed it down and ate some more. my dad then grabbed it out of my hand and threw it at me. i laughed a little. "what was that for" i asked. "for you being a little shit" he moaned at me. "what i didn't even do" my sentence was cut short by my dad grabbing my head and smashing it against the wall. it hurt like fuck. "i wish your mum had never had you" he kneed me in the gut and kicked my head. "you're a greedy little fucker" he spat on me and kicked my arm and it bent backwards, i heard it snap. i screamed in pain but my dad didn't care he grabbed the back of my neck and threw me into the cupboard. i started crying, my arm hurt like fuck and my body just ached. i hated my dad he was such a dick.