Kangst one-shots

Loving You

Soft humorless laughter filled the room, the empty broken sound echoing slightly. Tears glistened in glassy opal orbs, rolling down pale cheeks.  He couldn't stop laughing. He couldn't help the helplessness he fault that was suffocating him, nor the agony that spread through his chest, searing his already bruised and battered heart. He didn't have the strength to pick up the pieces all over again to start anew. 

He knew it wasn't going to end well. He knew it was an awful idea, but he was desperate. He was desperate for someone to hold him, for someone to make him feel like he mattered, for someone or something to stop the pain. His desperation threw out all sense of reason that warned him not to fall into the same trap again. He wanted to forget. He needed to forget. Forget those oceanic eyes that once held him captivated. Eyes that once looked at him as though he was all that mattered.

He was used to people getting bored and leaving. It always happened, but it never made it hurt any less, no matter how much he tried to numb himself to the heartbreak. Soon enough those eyes so blue held someone else in their gaze. Someone better than him, someone who could provide what he never could. 

Fear held him in its bruising grip, claws digging into his pale skin. 

Not again. He'd plead, but he knew it was to no avail.

Please...Don't leave me too.

His voice became hoarse as he laughed just a little louder. Tears pouring quicker past his eyes. 

He knew it was fruitless to hope, so it came as no surprise to him when he heard his lover with another, the evening of their anniversary. They didn't even attempt to hide what they were doing. He could hear the creaking of the mattress and the passionate sounds that came from them both, three doors down from their shared apartment. 

Why did he never learn his lesson? Why did he still cling to hope? Wasn't being abandoned time and time again, enough for him to understand?

He didn't run, he didn't attempt to stop them, nor did he try to stop the tears that gathered in his eyes. He stepped into the apartment as quietly as he could and pulled out a hidden briefcase -One he always kept full and ready- and left, never to see those mesmerizing eyes again. 

He never understood it himself, as to why he kept giving chances, clutching onto hope and expected different results.

Soon enough, a new pair of eyes found him. 

Navy blue eyes. 

Desperation could make a person do such stupid things.

New eyes. New arms. New love. He waited, and waited, for when he'd be cast aside once more. thrown to the curb. But it never seemed to come.

Those eyes kept their gaze locked solely on him. 

"You've been hurt, haven't you?" They had asked their deep rich voice sending shivers down his spine. 

He refused to let his walls come down. He refused to make himself vulnerable again. But days, soon became weeks, soon became months, and it became harder and harder. 

He found himself caving once more. He felt hope flourishing within him, invading his thoughts.

Maybe this time is different.

Maybe he really does love me.

Maybe he won't leave.

Please, don't leave.

He couldn't for the life of him, remember what stupidity took hold of him, for him to think it was alright to hope. He knew better. 

He knew better than to believe all the sweet little nothings that were whispered to him. He better than to believe the lies of forever. He was meant to be alone, and life loved to take any chance it could to remind him.

When the missed calls and disappearances began, he felt his world shatter. No amount of begging or pleading could stop what he knew was coming. Reality wasn't like fantasy, where you could have the happy ever after you'd always wished for, No. Reality was cruel.

Once again, he was alone. He had no one to count on, not even himself. 

He had no one else to blame but himself, for the reasons as to why he was on his knees, sobbing his bleeding heart out and laughing at his own idiocy. But even as his heart shattered once more, it also still swelled at the memory of those navy eyes. But that's all they'll remain as. 

Just another memory.

Another memory that would haunt him for as long as he lived.

Another memory that tore him apart worse than the others, for he'd become so sure that he'd continue to awake to those eyes gazing lovingly at him. Looking at him as though he was the center of their universe. But he'd been reminded that he was nothing more than a star in the vast night sky, filled with brighter and more beautiful stars, yet his heart still yearned those eyes.

How long had he sat on the ground, thinking back on better days? Back when he wasn't so broken. so drained. 

"I'm sorry. I just don't love you"

His lips lifted upwards slightly, painting a soft smile on his features. 

He was so tired.

The type of tired sleep could never fix.

The type of tired he couldn't find in himself to even begin to explain.

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A/N: 🙃