fear of fears // gawsten

!chapter five!

geoff was staring at me still.

"cmon, i swear i'm not, what do i have to do to make you believe me?"

"uhhh.. eat a whole cake or something."

i looked down at myself, "geoff, i don't hate my body, no."

he shrugged and looked away from me, still upset.

"cmon, look," i lifted up my shirt to show him that i wasn't skin and bones, i had muscle and fat too. i was perfectly healthy, "i'm fine." he looked at me but i could tell that he still wasn't pleased. "fine, i'll eat a cake but you have to buy it for me."

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"ya know, you do realize that what you said and how you were acting could've been one of the most triggering things for me, right? you telling me that i had to eat a whole ass cake to prove to you that i wasn't anorexic, that usually triggers people that are in recovery." i paused. i just- shit.

"hold on," his eyes grew a little bit larger, "y-you're in recovery?" he stopped walking and drug me into a random section in walmart. "you lied to me?"

"i had to, i didn't want you to get involved and be worried or something. i just let it slip out, i didn't mean for you to know."

"you lied to me. again. oh my god.." i stood there silently, not knowing what to say. geoff's ocean-like eyes soon filled with tears that didn't hesitate to spill over. "do-do you really not trust me?"

"no it's not tha-"

"-then what is it? is it because i'm geoff? just dumbass geoff? the one that will never understand? you never tell me anything but you tell otto everything. i thought we were supposed to be best friends but it's like we're not even acquaintances anymore!"

i stared down at the floor. i never wanted to hurt geoff like this, i never even knew that i was hurting him. who knew this was so important to him..

"tell me, awsten, how does it feel?"

"..how does what feel?"

"how does it feel to know that you're tearing me apart- that you're driving me insane with your little secret games?" he stepped closer to me and i stepped back, not wanting him to hurt me.

"i-i-i don't know.. just don't hurt me please, i'm sorry."

geoff stepped away, wiping the tears away quickly, "i'm sorry, i just- it hurts. i know it's hard for you to tell people things but i thought that you could at least tell me shit. it's not like we haven't known each other for like five years or whatever.." he sighed, grabbing my hand and walking out of the store.

part of me felt bad for him but the other part didn't care. he doesn't need to know me well anyway.

a/n : short part i'm sorry. but whatever. thank you for reading, please vote and share. :) xx